I’m Back

It’s been a weird couple of months having fully been submersed in H&S business. I’m still adjusting to running a business and not wanting to let anyone, yet alone myself, down but at the same time- I can’t help but miss the things I often have to sacrifice. It’s embarrassing to admit that I’m talking about creating content but God I love it so much- even writing here is exhilarating!

I think more than anything, I just like having a physical outlet for my thoughts.

More than that, I’ve been extremely passionate about creating content that will help educate the general public. I don’t know if it will ever pick up or if anyone really likes it but if I’ve stuck by doing all the stupid shit I do online, why should something I truly believe in be any different, right?

There’s a lot of superficialities going on in what i used to consider “my space” right now and I hate it. Maybe because I’m getting older and I could care less about disbanding of gangs , what’s inside people’s bags and what they put on their face. I’m not for everybody and it’s tough. Sometimes I wish for a little bit more payoff from the work I’ve put in but I try to remind myself that I don’t really work THAT hard. 😂 not for the vlog and blog, at least. Let’s be honest. But I’ll try harder.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been in a “rut” lately because I’m not creating content and I can’t create because I’m in a rut and I refuse to try harder. It’s all so confusing right now.

Side note: we still have a wedding to plan and less than 6 months to plan it.

Holy fucking shit. And I still can’t decide on our invitations.

Ok. Now I’m starting to worry 😂

Bye content, I gotta get married first!

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Hello

I just wanted to let you know that everything in my life is dandy.

The start of the year was a bit meh but I feel like I’m in a good space right now where I’m finally learning how to handle my life a lot better. On some days I wish I could be richer and buy myself a Jimny or a Juke but you know some of us just don’t have that luxury. lol.

At one point, I felt like God was listening to every.single.prayer I made which made me realize that I wasn’t being very specific with the things I had been asking of Him. For starters, I prayed that I would be soo busy that my days would be soo filled that I no longer had space in my head to think about the loneliness I felt and He provided so much that I didn’t quite have time for anything. So I decided to pray for dog days that it eventually made me soo bored I could almost hear the ants marching on our counter table- it was horrible. So I learned to be smarter with the ways that I asked God/ the universe for things.

Now, I just want my days to be filled with opportunities that will allow me to grow in my craft; business; knowledge and the like. That I have time to come home to my family and enjoy Facebook video calls or watch Paolo play on his PS while I write down this blog entry or even binge on a documentary like I’ve been planning to. I pray for enough time to camp out under the stars even if it means rushing from an event to the mountains and you know… stuff like that.

I pray for head space and clarity and long, thoughtful moments of emptiness that I can fill with my most wildest thoughts and imaginations…

You know, the normal stuff.

But in general, I wanted to let you know that I am happy. I am contented but I am still thirsty. I am curious and eager to learn. I am also hungry at it’s already 11:28 pm.

I also might have a fever so I’m gonna watch some Harry Potter and not charge my phone until the morning cuz I left my wire in the car.

Love you & thanks for listening. I miss you.

 

 

Doomsday

Surprisingly, it doesn’t feel as bad as I thought it would.

I had imagined, in Paolo’s own words- devastation.

But there’s a surprising lightness to it.

I am still very sad about things, don’t get me wrong, but now it’s more like, well, we always knew it was going to happen and now it finally is.

How selfish would I be if I begged, kicked and cried for everyone to stay while I lived my best life and they just… lived.

Of course I want all of us to be happy together but let’s be honest, even I’m not supposed to be here. I’m the one who broke the plans.

So I cannot complain and make everyone else suffer with me.

 

And I guess this is just how things are going to be from now on…

distant.

We booked the church last weekend. April 27, 2019 at 1:30 pm. We were gonna do it in the morning but then that would mean having to wake up at 3:00 in the morning and god knows, I’m not waking up that early. Not even for that.

We’ve been trying to find a house, too. Lately it’s been hits and misses but I think we finally found something we can actually pay off after slaving our days away. I’ve decided to Sims it so I can pretend we’re actually living there and you know… decorate it.

The place is a Spanish type townhouse, aka not my type but it’s got a garden, it’s safe and it has everything we’ve ever wanted (parking space, among other things). But in all honesty and it feels weird to actually say it, but I want to raise babies there. I want our dogs and kids to run around there. I want to be a grown up there.

But we’ll see. Who’s rushing anyways? ☺️

Dear God,

Thank you for today. Nothing amazing happened but I am still grateful.

P.s. Please don’t make my clients call me after office hours. I hate it when they do that. Give them other things to do other than think of me especially during those times.

Thanks!

On the Mondayest Monday Ever

It finally feels like all my dreams are coming true.

I feel like everything I have worked and dreamed and prayed so hard for has led up to today and everything is finally falling into place.

It’s almost as if all the stars have aligned and decided that I would be the one they would bless. Of all the souls in the universe, it actually chose me.

Little Issa would never believe it. I never would have thought.

It’s just happening but if I allow it to, it WILL happen. I must allow it to happen.

I honestly never would have imagined.

I am so freaking proud of myself right now!

Always Greens, Sometimes Beef, Often Fish & Always Yogurt

You always do the groceries on Valentine’s day because we all know that if I had to it, it would take 2 hours and we’d come back with 6 bags instead of just 3. This time though, you came with 3 extra bottles of sauce (?) and I am now seeing, a can of corn. We currently have 2 cans corn in the cupboard but who’s counting anyways? I’m not one to complain about extra corn 😬

I promise to make the dressing next year. I always said I would learn it. I just hope it’ll be as good as the one’s you make.

I love you with all my heart, Pao. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to mean it more because I love you whole. I love you with all I am capable of. You deserve it all.

I should blog here more often.

♥️

The Most Peaceful Mornings

I’m at my desk at 10 o clock in the morning and it’s a slow paced Thursday, without coffee, which I really should go out and get.

You’re in bed still because you probably slept a lot later than I have and as much as I would want to get up and make coffee, I’m just here, amazed at how peaceful life has been lately.

I honestly do not think that I would have had this life if it weren’t for you. A life where I am calm, peaceful and contented in what I am capable of doing and giving instead of constantly trying to outdo myself. I am grateful, I am passionate, I am euphoric…I am at peace and this is something I never, in this lifetime, thought that I would have.

And I found that with you.

You’ll be up in a bit. I think I’m gonna get coffee.

The Yearly Round Up, Owning 2018 & The 12 Year Long Survey

I remember starting this tradition in the year of 06- 07, a year after I had started blogging, being under the stairs where my first ever desktop sat peacefully. I was 16 back then and dial up internet was free from 2:00- 7:00 am and I never wanted to miss the first day of the year so I decided back then, to try to stay up for as long as I could every 1st of the year that came. In an attempt to keep myself busy, I eagerly searched the interwebs for a new year survey because 1. I was obsessed with surveys (as I still am) and 2. it was relevant. 11 years later, I no longer run to my laptop to entertain myself from trying to stay awake on the most festive of eves instead, I come home because this is where I feel safe, this is where I pour out my dreams; aspirations; accomplishments & failures and most of all because writing to you has become such a huge part of me.

If you are reading this, thank you for experiencing this with me. Here are the links to my previous yearly posts which you may laugh, cry, cringe and feel indifferent about- don’t worry, that’s ok, we share the same emotions. It’s interesting to see how different my answers change from year to year and I am happy to share these parts of me with all of you. Here they are:

2006-72007-82008-9|  2009- 10 2010- 112011- 122012- 13|  2013- 142014- 152016- 17

And so it begins!

1. Will you be looking for a new job?

Last year I entered 2017 with very little expectations. I had no plans, no dreams- just the hope that something interesting would happen. I took 2017 as my year of figuring out what I really wanted to do because I never want to look back at a missed opportunity knowing that I never tried. Growing up I always said I wanted to be an actress so in 2017, I tried it out and was able to get a non speaking role for Adober’s original series, Unspoken Rules which has gathered over 3 million views on Facebook. I also auditioned for an indie movie, worked in a commercial (which I mistakenly thought was my first but was actually not)- I’ve explored the world and industry of film and acting and am confident to say that if the opportunity comes in 2018, I would willfully take it head on. I dream of writing something beautiful one day and working in production and what not- we’ll see.

I took on more blogging and vlogging projects last year, which I realized is my true passion. I have been lucky in this industry to have been given the opportunity to take on great projects and although I often deal with your everyday entitled, stuck up millennial, I have also been blessed with the abilities to choose the right people and detach myself from the asses so despite all the drama the world of “influencers” and their constant fight for popularity, I have remained sane and immune.

In all these endevours, plus working online, I was able to balance and have time to do more. I was still bored, I was craving for more creative outlets and this is how my podcast, IssaTalks started. It was a running idea which I jumped into head on and just a few months in, I was able to represent the Philippines’ (for the first time) during International Podcast day and it’s just been an awesome time since then.

But it still wasn’t enough. I still craved for more and this is how H&S Clothing came into play. H&S Clothing is not anything amazing, it’s simply me taking over our family business, the business that was able to put me and 2 other siblings through college while providing us with a good life and in 2018, I’m going to work extra hard to provide for my 1st family and eventually for my own.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?

No, because we’re ENGAGED!

3. New house?

Looking and hoping while having severe separation anxiety from the thought of leaving our little haven. I love it here.

4. What will you do different in 18?

Definitely a huge change in lifestyle choices. It’s not just about me at this point, as weird as it is to say, it’s about our future children and trying to live as long as possible to see them grow up while living a full life with our future family.

omg. am I seriously saying these things??

5. New Years’ resolutions?

To stop smoking, to save money and to lose weight.

6. What will you not be doing in 2018?

Hopefully bankrupt.

7. Any trips planned?

Manila, anywhere we can CAMP/ GLAMP, hoping for Hong Kong/ Japan. Dreaming of going back to the motherland.

8. Wedding plans?

This is so weird but yes. A big fat YES!

9. Major thing on your calendar?

Wedding planning, living situation planning, baby planning, businesses and the one million things I intend to do with my life.

10. What can’t you wait for?

Honestly, I don’t know. As much as I enjoy the thought of being married to Paolo, it’s not necessarily something I absolutely cannot wait for simply because I want to enjoy being engaged, planning the wedding and the last few moments we have before trying to start our own family. But I am definitely excited to have human babies and fur babies and scaley babies.

11. What would you like to see happen differently?

2017 was the best because I came into it with very little expectations which I think was the best thing I ever did so I’d like to keep doing this, as much as possible from now on.

12. What about you will you be changing?

Can I please be skinny this year?

Oh, my work ethic.

13. What happened in 2017 that you didn’t think would ever happen?

Moving into our beautiful home with Paolo (twice), starting a podcast, taking over a business, being in various ads, getting engaged and making more friends despite saying that I no longer needed any.

14. Will you be nice to the people you care about?

Yes, absolutely!

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 2017?

I cannot say.

16. Will you start or quit smoking?

Quit. It’s funny because on this survey you can trace the moments I decided to start followed by the many years I’ve decided to quit but PLEASE LET THIS BE THE YEAR. FOR OUR CHILDREN!

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?

I will be acquiring a new family soon and be starting our own. It’s always been about family and it will be about family.

18. Will you do charity work?

By all means, yes.

19. Will you go to bars?

Hopefully not as much but enough to preserve the youth.

20. Will you be nice to people you don’t know?

I have always.

21. Do you expect 2018 to be a good year for you?

Of course.

22. How much did you change from this time ‘til now?

A lot and hardly at all.

23. Do you plan have on having a child?

If not this year then definitely the next. We want furry children!!!

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with?

Most likely. But I’ll be honest, I would really like to stop talking to a few people.

25. Major lifestyle changes?

Lots. And lots. and lots!

26. Will you be moving?

We’ve been looking for a forever home for about a year now but until it happens, we’re perfectly fine in our little home. It feels so big though.

27. What will you make sure doesn’t happen in 2018?

Bankruptcy and family feuds.

28. What are your New Year’us Eve plans?

Well spent with family. 🙂 All our families know now and nobody contested so I’m happy, Paolo is happy, the whole world is happy. We also stayed up til 3 and then passed out.

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?

Paolo. For the rest of my life.🙂

30. One wish for 2018?

For life to happen the way it was meant to happen. And also for things to not cost so much or for us to make more money to be able to afford them!

May you all have a wonderful 2018 and the years to follow. Thank you so much for all the love and support you have given me throughout the years. 13 long years of whoring myself on the internet- how would’ve thought?

It’s been awesome, fam!

To many more! ❤