It’s up!

Life Update

I am still stringing balls.

I just thought you’d want to know.

But we have lights on our tree and a pretty ribbon to wrap around it.

I love Christmas. If I never did, now I do.

15 Year Old Issa

15 year old Issa never would have thought that one day, 29 year old Issa would be reading her diary to teenagers. 162 teenagers and 5 teachers to be exact.

Although, 15 year old Issa also thought that 29 year old Issa would have kids, a mansion and 3 personal assistants by now so I think we don’t need to be TOO hard on ourselves.

I am writing this today to thank you for keeping all my memories, all my thoughts and all stories. We did good. We actually did good.

Progress

8 years ago, around this time of the year, Alex and I cooked for our respective partners- Yssa & Paolo.

Keiko if you’re reading this, yes, your mom dated a lesbian. lol.

It was baked chicken and we forgot to season it so it was bland and I vowed to never cook again.

Tonight we celebrate this memory and the internet because I cooked garlic herbed chicken and 1. Herbed it, 2. Seasoned it and 3. Perfectly baked it.

That, my friends, is what you call *progress*

Christmas Firsts

After many weeks (and what seems like months), we finally got our first Christmas tree. We don’t like to buy things and tried our very best to look for a second hand tree but weren’t so lucky and ended up with this beaut. It cost a pretty penny too, so this is the only Christmas tree we’re ever going to have, as much as I am concerned.

I had always imagined this day in my head- setting up our first Christmas tree with my husband, drinking hot coco while Christmas songs played in the background but the truth is, the starts of it were pretty… Unmagical.

I realized that I did not know the first thing about setting up OR decorating a tree, that the damn Christmas balls weren’t even strung and that all that glitter fall out was going to haunt me for the next 2 years of my life.

Sometimes the worse part of being an “adult” is realizing that you don’t know the first thing about being an adult.

I realized this while setting up a tree. ūüėā

But in all that chaos, we played some jazz Christmas music, Paolo made us coffee and it slowly started becoming the Christmas experience I had in my head. Sure it took me 2 hours to string each ball but we finally have a tree and I am actually very happy.

Oh, and I finally deleted the hscebu website. I don’t know why that made me very sad.

An Appreciation Post

This afternoon as Paolo and I were walking into the condo I said this to Paolo-

You know, I actually did not realize that ever since we started living together, I’ve been really happy to come home. That means a lot to me because I spent so many years never wanting to go home.

I am grateful for this life. Thank you for this feeling, Lord.

Also, please let this hang over go away.

The Night Before…

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I was told to get a lot of sleep because I haven’t been much lately. It’s been nerve wracking & stressful but not this part- I am already proud of the work I have done and the work I can put in and that I WILL put in. I do not question that.

I am proud of the content and the advocacy behind it and my heart, now I can only just sit back and see how the world takes it. But beyond that, I will not question if I worked hard enough for it or if i am good enough to do it. I’m not gonna stress myself out like that. I just need to work hard, work smart , pray and trust that God will give me what He thinks is best for me. I’m ok with this. It is settling.

I’m so excited though. If I’m being completely honest. I am soo excited. I’m probably more excited about everything that’s happening more than getting married. I know that sounds weird but I say this because¬†now¬†I can finally be married. I can finally¬†just¬†do the things that make me happy and excited and maybe this time I can be happier.

So we’ll see what happens tomorrow. For the first time in a long time, I am excited about tomorrow.