ahaha

first of all, pls keep this between us. and delete this immediately after reading. hehe

and yeah, we did it. more than once. hahaha. i am so naughty. well, let me just tell you that we have perfected the art of making out and he has, for several times, spent the night at my house. however, in those times, we only got as far as the third base. (we never did anything when i was with ——-,  it was simply verbal flirting.) now, i think, this is truly a pseudo-relationship. i mean, he talks to me a lot. he has told me about his family. and his childhood. and his friends. i, on the other hand, keeps my mouth shut. i never share my life to him (except ——–). i do this because i don’t want to feel that we have something more than this game. yeah, i am trying to brace myself from the impending pain. and he gets jealous of other guys. and i feel, that he wants me to be jealous of other girls, too. i told him i am incapable of doing that because i have a cold heart. (“and a hot ass,” he replied).

so, yeah, it happened. you know what, i am more delirious about the fact that i had sex than about the fact that i did it WITH HIM. hehe. what does that say?

there was pain. there was blood. there were soiled sheets. i spent a whole morning in bed. with him. which is weird, because i hate waking up with a guy — a stranger– in my room. what does that say?

and like i said the last time, we will only be friends. nothing more. promise. no more casual sex for me. hehe..

yuck. nya, tuo sad mo?! :)) chab sent this to me from a chick on multiply. YOU GO, GIRL ;P

ahaha

first of all, pls keep this between us. and delete this immediately after reading. hehe

and yeah, we did it. more than once. hahaha. i am so naughty. well, let me just tell you that we have perfected the art of making out and he has, for several times, spent the night at my house. however, in those times, we only got as far as the third base. (we never did anything when i was with ——-,  it was simply verbal flirting.) now, i think, this is truly a pseudo-relationship. i mean, he talks to me a lot. he has told me about his family. and his childhood. and his friends. i, on the other hand, keeps my mouth shut. i never share my life to him (except ——–). i do this because i don’t want to feel that we have something more than this game. yeah, i am trying to brace myself from the impending pain. and he gets jealous of other guys. and i feel, that he wants me to be jealous of other girls, too. i told him i am incapable of doing that because i have a cold heart. (“and a hot ass,” he replied).

so, yeah, it happened. you know what, i am more delirious about the fact that i had sex than about the fact that i did it WITH HIM. hehe. what does that say?

there was pain. there was blood. there were soiled sheets. i spent a whole morning in bed. with him. which is weird, because i hate waking up with a guy — a stranger– in my room. what does that say?

and like i said the last time, we will only be friends. nothing more. promise. no more casual sex for me. hehe..

yuck. nya, tuo sad mo?! :)) chab sent this to me from a chick on multiply. YOU GO, GIRL ;P

never try to guess my mentality cuz it’ll leave you in vain and you will eventually rought

And the thought of you doesn’t make me sick nor does it make me wanna give up. instead, it makes me wanna try harder. i’m not wastng my thoughts on a weekend love affair. Just incase you didn’t know how i played.

and once again, my body is bruised all over. and i need sleep. ahaha.

think of me tonight, baby before you kiss her to sleep. hold her tight, baby like you did to me.

if i’m a push-over then you’re a lie.

anyways, the morning started out bad. bad. bad. i said that i had a slight fever so i could get out of swimming and because it was true but i oculdn’t miss it gihapon cuz today was time trials. i guess it was REALLY important. lmao. so, we did warm-ups. i wonder why they condier 400 meters a warm up. [sigh] and then time trials. i ultimately sucked today. 😦 i sucked at IM and freestyle but i guess my butterflies and my breasts we’re aiight. i’m never ever swimming after this.

annie  picked me up there. then she bought me breakfast at mcdo. then they brought me home. i felll asleep int the car and i’m planning to fall asleep again once i’m done with this.

thank god i don’t swimming in the afternoon. THANK YOU, god. anyways, yeah. not much to write about. just that i need sleep. hah.

baby, just say goodnight

baby, i was just mistaken.

they
ignore each other & look the
other way;
but they both know
deep down inside,
that it wasn`t
supposed to end this way

i feel for myself. lol.

ok, i’m better now. i’m
better with eveyrthing. and i’m not sorry that it took a few tears to
get to this level of, “i’m okness”.

i’ve finaly done something progressive this week!! 😀 i covered my books! i’m
mucho proud of myself for that. lmao.

i estimatedly swim a good 1000 meters in 2 hours. do you think i’m ready? lol.
love and allelu promised to buy me a fish if i won novice. well, i hope that i
win at least ONE! lmao. i’ve been swimming my ass off. i just hope. yawn. i
lack sleep gyud.

yesterday, after swimming, i had to go back to celebrity and meet up with kuya
peegee to give him my phone. it’s broken again. shucks. and i had to pay
shitloads for it. hahai. and at that point, i knew that tanan was guba.
TALAGANG GUBA NA GUBA na TALAGA >< and at that point, i was up to my second and hopefully final breaking point and i couldn’t take it gyud, so i skipped swimming at 4 and went to chab’s.

haha. they we’re covering their books and i’m proud to say, i learned how to cover my books too. 😀 mother, aren’t you down proud of me? lmao.

gtg

swimming, again

planet hate

i had to wake up this morning at 6 am. and i slept at 4.i know i was in bed by 3:30 but when  you think, i’m supposing that this is natural. when i woke up, the onyl thing i saw was mommy starring over miguel and crying. and i was like, “wtf?! he’s fine. papa’s the sick one.” but yeah, i got her point. i told her that i cried to.i told her that i cried because of papa cuz i couldn’t see him sick because it’s killing me inside. like, i can’t eat, i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna talk. and there’s no one i wanna talk to either. i just wanna jog. jog, jog, jog. but the truth is, i didn’t cry just for him. i cried cuz of life.and again, nothing’s right and i find myself broken. i’ve never been the strong type. i was just wanna be in someone’s arms right now and cry. because this sucks. it sucks and nothing’s how it’s supposed to be.

hey, at least he’s still alive. but it hurts. i wish i was sick instead.no insecurities about that. rem., i like the attention. lmao.

as i am writting this little blog of my life, i’m on view my webcam on yahoo. chab’s the only one watching and she can see me cry. i hope she’s not paying attention though.but now i’m playing iwth a tiny piece of braided hair that i have no intentions of removing.

btw, doesn’t anyone FUCKING comment me anymore? lol. i’m amess. and i laugh about it.i’m a mess. i know.

and once again

not again, issa. when do you ever learn?

and i’ll say it once again, this sucks.

i knew all along that this was going to happen but you know, you secretly wish it didn’t. but yeah, when i happens it’s the perfect time to swim, swim , swim and just pray that you drown and die. yes, i finally have a goal for tomorrow.

1 im not sleeping.
2 im swimming and i’ll be super tired
3 and i’ll die
4 and you’ll love me

i know that you look at her and you look at me and you just say to yourself, she’s not worth it. and the sucky part is, you’re referring to me. hahai. palauwaw lang gyud ka, you know that? lol. rem., we don’t cry on the outside anymore.

what the mother friker. hahai. i can’t take this but i thought i could. i had all the reasons and yet, i still feel bad. lol. im not planning to share cuz it isn’t worth sharring. it was my fault. putting myself out there like i was gonna be aryt. haha. bitch gyud ka, iss. di ka kibaw matagam. atay.

what am i gonna do?

no. i’m getting through this. i will. i am.

not.

and once again

not again, issa. when do you ever learn?

and i’ll say it once again, this sucks.

i knew all along that this was going to happen but you know, you secretly wish it didn’t. but yeah, when i happens it’s the perfect time to swim, swim , swim and just pray that you drown and die. yes, i finally have a goal for tomorrow.

1 im not sleeping.
2 im swimming and i’ll be super tired
3 and i’ll die
4 and you’ll love me

i know that you look at her and you look at me and you just say to yourself, she’s not worth it. and the sucky part is, you’re referring to me. hahai. palauwaw lang gyud ka, you know that? lol. rem., we don’t cry on the outside anymore.

what the mother friker. hahai. i can’t take this but i thought i could. i had all the reasons and yet, i still feel bad. lol. im not planning to share cuz it isn’t worth sharring. it was my fault. putting myself out there like i was gonna be aryt. haha. bitch gyud ka, iss. di ka kibaw matagam. atay.

what am i gonna do?

no. i’m getting through this. i will. i am.

not.

shine for me – shine for you – brighter and brighter

So this is how it goes
Well I, I would have never known
And if it ends today
I’ll still say that you shine brighter than anyone

Now I think we’re taking this too far
Don’t you know that it’s not this hard?
Well it’s not this hard [issa – yes, it is]
But if you take what’s your’s and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

Well this is not your fault
But if I’m without you
Then I will feel so small
And if you have to go
Always know that you shine brighter than anyone does.

If you run away now,
Will you come back around?
And if you run away,
I’d still wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright.

I’ll wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright
(You shine bright, you shine bright)
I’ll wave goodbye tonight.