I’m bored waiting for chabel to finish talking to estong
so I thought I’d summarize this year and well, word vomit. Lol
It’s hard to talk about this year cuz there’s nothing much
to remember. If I had to describe this year in a few words it would go, “this
year has made no sense to me. I honestly do not think it has made me a better
person. Maybe a stronger one. But a better one, I doubt.”
Yeah, this year has screwed me good. And i can’t stop saying it but yes, i’m glad and relieved that this year has ended. it’s about time i stopped screwing up. lol.
i think it’s about time i took responsibilities and stopped letting people down. i think it’s time i payed for my actions and to actually care. i let too many things pass me by last 2006. i kept depending on a tomorrow when i had no assurances that i would always have a tomorrow. i think i just kept getting lucky.
one feeling of accomplishment to me though was being able to handle feelings. the way that i was able to accept rejection, pain and all those stuff. yeah, i broke down every now and then but im not that girl that would stare blanklessly into space and snap back with tears running down my cheek.i think i’ve gotten over that phase in my life. and although it seems unreasonable sometimes, it sure feels good to get away with heartaches.
but this year i don’t want heartaches [ who does ] i want a fairytale. lol.
to sum up al lmy wishes for new year; i guess it would simply be :
just to have a good year
and to make my mom shut up because i honestly cannot stand the sound of her voice.
new year’s eve was very traditional. again. we did the same thing as last year. and the year before that. and the years before that.
the usual dinner and mass here and then fireworks and then me staying up all night blogging or whatever i have to do in order to stay awake. lol. it’s 3:30 btw.
holidays are weird to me, to be completely honest. i think marc agrees.
i don’t want to be bothered, i don’t wanna to bother people unless booze is involved and everytime the clock strikes twelve, i always have a bit of pain in me that causes me to itch inside and want to break down. i am NOT emo!
seriously, as i stood and watched 2006 leave, my insdes were aching. i felt happiness, relief and failure but a bit of accomplishment at the same time. if the word stereotype would be the appropriate word to use right now, then i’d use it to describe myself. but i don’t know what that means exactly so, i’m probably wrong. lol.
my rzor is fucked up. i don’t like it!
so, this is what i’m fond of doing. summarizing my year. lol. and i should probably start now:
i don’t really remember it but chabel’s mentioned it a couple of times so when i think about it, yeah, i rememeber. lol. but honestly, i rememeber what i wore. i know that i wore my pink kamiseta top and my roxy shorts and my bunny ears. i remember going to mango square, seeing eduque [butterflies] and well, walking. lol. i know that i ditched chab and after a few hours she got grounded for getting drunk and well, she was grounded. what’s new chab? lol.
it was my first valentines at mmch and well,i got stuff. 🙂 lol. i rem. that josh was real sweet that day and everything and i rem. exactly how i felt. i wanted that. except.. someone not as gay as josh.
english month. me and al cassey. shrug.
we had the year end concert and mom didn’t go cuz she watched a boxing match with was the reason why i acted like a complete bitch and got beat up.
that was also the night when i went to mia’s birthday party with niña and asked kevin to come with me to drop her home and he ended up stealing his parents car and got caught. but tht was fun. 🙂
hmm..i don’t remember much about april, really. i think this was the start of summer so i was probably into tennis, swimming and guitar around this time since these were the things that kept me busy.
geez louise, the start of my insanity. i completely lost all control during the summer. i went out there, did crazy things yet, i up until now, i don’t know who i blame or if i regret anything. because i still feel like it was the closest thing i had to anything real and he was my beautiful disaster. and yeah, i guess it taught me stuff. stuff that i don’t quite remember anymore. lol. but anyways, like i say, “another heartbreak is another lesson learned”
which is always followed by.. but i’m tired of learning.
i won the novice. 🙂 and milo. once.
well, school started again. not much to remember about school. you know how i feel about that place.
and now, i’m thinking na unfair kaayu ko for hating mmch so much. lol. but whatever, the feeling’s already there. not much to do about that. 😉
july, august, september:
ambot. i think i just let these months pass me by. i know crazy boy stuff happened but, i plan to write it somewhere else.
my pretty sweet 16. and it was pretty sweet, i tell you. lol. i loved the fact that i celebrated with alexa. you don;t know how much i love alexa. lol.
man, this month was crazy for me. i don’t know. i’m out of my system. it’s either i need a boyfriend or i need someone to come fix me.
quack doctor nalang. lmao.
another year, another reason to be trully greatful for having you in my life.
chabel is the biggest blessing in my life, by far. i know we’ve drifted apart but that’s what’s soo great about her. we drift but we always have some form of glue to put it back. whether it’s food, tennis, boys, drama or whatever, i know that i can always count on her when my world comes crumbling down. and this year, it has. soo many times.
i don’t know why i’m putting this here and of all the places but i never had my peace with him.it just.. slipped away and i never ever wnat that to happen with anyone. ever again. i want a notification letter before anything or anyone decides to slip away from me.
i feel soo idiotic when i think about what happened between me and carlow. i mean, give it a little time and he could’ve been my best friend. he was soo fun to talk to, i wasn’t all tense and hung up around him. i told him everything and i didn’t even have to care about anyone. i guess it all just happened at the wrong time and he has issues with the wrong girl. and i messed up.
yes, we were friends. we were close friends. i told him soo many things and i guess, i fell in “like” with our friendship. but i let that go. i hate the thought that for a second i was a boyfriend stealer.
2006 was such a bitch. i lost a great friendship. and i miss it. 😦
ambotnimo, josh. yoiu used to be that guy that i could run to all the time. the guy i could obsess about power rangers and paperclips to. you used to be my best friend. but i guess i don’t know. we all change, yeah? good luck with your life. you know i’ll always be there for you. you know you can run to me when you can’t run to anyone else.
hai, noi. you make school less traumatizing for me. thank you for eating lunch with me. i don’t know with you but i feel soo blessed to have you in my life. you’re the best.
and everyone else:
you’ve screwed me.
monggol pencils [number 2]
i will not write on myself
i will wear more colors
i will brace each day
i will pray more
and i will control my bitch fits.
or try. that’s the hardest.
you see, being a bitch is in my nature.
blame the mother
and her mother
and her mother’s mother,
and then blame eve.
to my prettiest blessings. i love you.