She’s leaving tomorrow =,(

But it’s gonna be just fine!! not really cause i’m gonna miss her. but we saw each other just a while ago! pumunta ako sa bahay nila to get my cable for my ipod[nice excuse, huh?]… nyways, her parents allowed me to go so yeah!! at least they allow me to go to their house nah! i just love the thing that happened in i.t park with papa-lander & issa cause they had the “james talk” and yeah tito lander said we can hang out! so yeah! whatever!!! [wait, she’s letting me call her at this point. gotta call her] she wants to hear me say goodnight and goodluck in her wetdreams ahahahahaha. jk!! mwah!!! i think i’ll go now!! im tired!! bye LOSERS…

bik ❤

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lies, lies and more lies

my dad is gay. and soo out of place.

issadog_102890 (1/1/2002 12:35:24 AM): a boy is coming over tomorrow
daaady Chua (1/1/2002 12:37:03 AM): who is this boy thats coming over?
daaady Chua (1/1/2002 12:38:05 AM): tell me about this boy and WHY he’s coming over
issadog_102890: haha
issadog_102890: his name is james balagosa
issadog_102890: and he’s coming over to pick up his ipod
issadog_102890: we’ve been churchmates for 11 years
issadog_102890: and i think he’s courting me <– lie numero uno
issadog_102890: HAHAH
daaady Chua: so after he picks up his ipod, he’s leaving, right?
daaady Chua: how come you have his ipod?
issadog_102890: because he asked me to upload songs
issadog_102890: and idk with mommy. sila man nag sabot. maybe he’ll have dinner
daaady Chua: ahhh.. his excuse
daaady Chua: that’s just his excuse so he can come see you
daaady Chua: next time he can upload it himself
issadog_102890: well at least he’s coming over sa house.
issadog_102890: thats’s what mommy wants man
issadog_102890: we’re family friends man sad
issadog_102890: so mommy’s ok with him <- is she?!
issadog_102890: he jus has to do everything in a christian way
daaady Chua: ic
daaady Chua: sush, when you’re out with your friends, be safe always k?
daaady Chua: no drinking or hanging out with those who drinks
issadog_102890: yeah
issadog_102890: we usually have coffee raman at starbucks after dinner <– i’ve never even had coffee with my friends!
daaady Chua: do any of your friends drink?
issadog_102890: and then papa picks me up at wherever it is i’m at
daaady Chua: aw ok
issadog_102890: sometimes but only during private parties <– If paseo is where you have private parties then, YEAH!  
daaady Chua: dont be riding with anybody who drinks k?
issadog_102890: yeah.
issadog_102890: i don’t drink man <– HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
daaady Chua: thats good sush
issadog_102890: but i’ll start drinking when i’m 18 na gyud <- AND YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT CUZ YOU’RE IN RICHARDSON, YOU DOPE!
daaady Chua: we’ll think about it <- think your ass
daaady Chua: what does your mom say about that?
issadog_102890: about drinkin?
issadog_102890: i drink with her man
issadog_102890: the only times i drink are when i’m wit her <– HAHA. partially true. but not really
daaady Chua: ic
daaady Chua: what do you drink?
issadog_102890: wine lang <- cuz i’m rich! HAHAHA. EWK.
issadog_102890: haha
daaady Chua: sush, its 2 na. tulog sa ko ha?
issadog_102890: ok, dad
issadog_102890: gnight
daaady Chua: ill talk to you tomorrow nalang
daaady Chua: gnite sush
issadog_102890: ok, dad
issadog_102890: bye
daaady Chua: luv u
no reply to that

in control

my friends say i’m being anal and too into it. they think that my whole time is devoted to lagz and to no one else. and honestly, they could be right about that but friends are always top on my list. i have a list of tops, not in a specific order though basta 1st gyud si god. and if they need me, i’ll be there for them. :]

they’re suprised that i’m soo into him and the whole idea of us and i don’t blame them.

but hey, i’m inlove. and it’s finally safe to say it. cuz i’ve waited, prayed, got it and prayed some more and i just hope this lasts forever. :]

thanks for being my everything. you’re worth it. you make me feel like i’m worth it. you make me feel like i’m worth the fight. i love you.


you don’t look like you there.

nowhere but here <3

i’ve been a busy bee lately so i’m sorry if i wasn’t able to blog. [to whoever reads this] i like the fact that someone’s leaving me little letters when i do check my xanga though, it helps me write. it keeps me happy :]

so for the past 4 days i’ve been at stc for this artists called to serve [atcs] workshop. for the past 4 days, i’ve been spanking tamborines and praying and hanging out with james. see, i’m a tamborine dancer and he’s a magician.

“you wanna know what kind of magic
i used to make you fall for me?”

omg you dork. get real!!! :p
jk. i love you.

i can SMACK that. HAHA.

the whole thing was a really cool experience though. like, during the afternoons we’d change into different outfits. first day was kiddie outfit [i didn’t change] then retro [i wore my dress AGAIN] and third was international [i didn’t care to hange either] hehe. Tep joined which just wmade the whole thing better. :]



we’re cool. HAHA.

aside from the whole thing being fun, it was also really tiring. i swear i’m still not fully rested frm the whole thing. and honestly, i DON’T miss tennis.

me and james kinda fought on the third day though. totally my fault. sorry about that. who knew you were as emotional as i am.

life isn’t as regular as it’s usally been though. life was been one hell of a shocker to me. a few week ago my parents couldn’t stand to talk about james or simply the thought of him. but now he’s like the only thing they can talk about. last saturday i actually have candid pictures of his mom and mine conversing about clothes and stuff and the day after that, his dad and mine sat together during church. i even got to hold hands with his dad for like 5 seconds and mommy… MY MOMMY actually talked to lagz. and the coolest part is, James didn’t block out or give her a bad answer, he actually put a really big and genuine smile on and talked to her. i feel soo lucky right now. :]

last night me and papa went out for dinner then we had coffee at IT Park. Coffeebean is better than Starbucks but, it’s not like i can even afford any of em anyways. 125 pesos for Coffee. that’s just crazy! lol.

me and papa had a really good time. i actually found it in me to admit that i do like James and the coolest thing is that, he didn’t block me out or tell me that i wasn’t allowed to see him [they don’t know the WHOLE thing.] instead he give me a whole lot of things to do with the situation. he even wants to hang out with him [man date. soo gay] and maybe he can have dinner with us one night and he’s actually open to the idea of him coming to the house. i like how this is tunring out.

i honestly feel soo blessed to have a faher like him in my life. he makes me feel a lot much better and idk, he just tells me things that no one else could tell me. He doesn’t beat around the bush, he just tells me straight. something my real dad could never do. but i still have good feelings or my dad. maybe t’s love. i dont know

plus on our way home,he caught up with us. parked infront of our car and everything. oh i love speakingofthedevils. no, i love suprises. could never get tired of em. hehe.

so yeah, i’m hoping that james can come over tomorrow and pick up his ipod. maybe he can even hang out for a while i mom’s ayt with that. hehe.

enough sah. rest.

then today i had a meeting at school. it was just really fun to hang out with josh and jet again. i miss being one of the guys. yeah, being a girl is fun but i like not caring about what i’m going to wear or being consious about what i say as not to offend the other sistah. lol. i like staying balanced. ;]

then i had dinner with friends. arden came over. we’re beaching on thrusday before school ends and i miight sleep at her place on saturday. lol. crazy day. crazy day. hehe.

so yeah, i’m done.

so that was last week, yesterday and today ;]

Three straight days with you again was…

 PERFECT.
iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou nd iloveu.

that wasn’t so bad at all.forget about the last day!!! that was nothing!! no biggie. iloveu

i’m waiting for the notebook. 😦

i can’t wait to see what’s inside..

whatever.whatever!!! nd oh yes HAPPY ANNIVERSARY[not wedding or uyab2] you know what imean.

ahahah vetch!

i’ll go now!! just a surprise.
you didn’t reply na babe =[
i’ll see you tomorrow for bible study!. what the hell am i doing!? this aint a blog. this is a letter!!! sorrrrrrry!!

mwah! iloveu SO MUCH!!!

-bik ❤

1 month and 1,000,000 iloveyou’s ago

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT:

I, Jean Louise I. Chua,
I will be out of town for 5 days at CHURCH CAMP somewhere in the
province of CARCAR. Where ever the hell that might be.
Whose idea was this?
i cannot say.

What’s the purpose?
Well, what do YOU think,  juvenille delinquent?

from badassdoesn’tknowwhatshewantschurchhatingfreak to
just a girl who’s inlove [for real]

yeah, that was my post last month ago where i was expecting the worst and getting ready to die at church camp. i’m soo thankful that i joined that thing. and i’m thankful that he was there too.

yeah, it’s been a month since church camp and since my life took a major turn. 30 days and how many hours ago, was the first time we held hands and it’s been a month since i realized that i found someone i’m not letting go of and you know what? i still feel the same way i did a month ago and i pray to god i’ll feel the same way 876767483209823 years from now.

i rem. the butterflies very well and i remember exactly how you make me feel cuz i feel the exact same way everytime i’m with you even for the slightest moments. even if i’m just seeing you through a glass window or when we’re sitting together at church or when we talk on the phone or when we’re messing arpund or when we’re in your car and i just keep quiet. i know you know what’s going on in my head.

of course, it’s only been a month, i know but these feelings don’t usually stick around for as long as a month with me. i’m a very odd person like that. but you know what? evem if i’ve been having a hard time right now never for a second has the thought of going on without you entered my mind. you’re worth it. i don’t care what the rents say or do to get what they want [which is not us] , i’m not doing it. i’m putting up with it cuz you mean soo much to me. you’re more than just a summer fling or just a fling for that matter. you mean everything to me and i found what i’ve been looking for and thanks for that, hotstuff. you’re a keeper. ❤

just cuz i’m feeling soo goddamn blessed right now <3

this one’s for you.


The perfect words never crossed my mind,
’cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,
All I wanted just sped right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out,

There you are standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I won’t wait forever(2x)

In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire,
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes,

There you are standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

There you are standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

No I won’t wait forever(x3)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7taFtKZEDA

right now i’m not really in the mood to nag about how terrible my day was or how bored i was and how being grounded sucks.
i’d live even if the whole world wasn’t paying sympathy for my misery. believe me, i will.
right now all i want to do is to write down how blessed i am to have someone who puts up with me and who has to suffer with my careless blows.

yes, PMS. i’m one might roller coaster ride.

and i just wanna say that i’m REALLY REALLY terribly sorry for being a bitch to you.
:[

dancing in the rain makes you feel better.
and so does cying in your friends arms. no, anyone’s arms for that matter.
crying makes you feel better.
letting someone know you cried and see her eyes water up when you cry makes you feel better.
he makes me feel better. ❤


i made james mad today. and i can’t get over it. and the scary part is, if he didn’t get mad at me or if he just put up with my whinning then i wouldn’t have snapped out of whatever daze i was in and i wouldn’t stop being a bitch either.
it’s funny how he knocked me down and then picked me up again. idk. don’t try to figure that out.
and wa lang, i just realized that i can’t be a selfish bitch anymore and that i shouldn’t expect everyone to spoil me when i’m feeling bad. i guess i needed a reality check and he gave me that and i just feel blessed.
no more crying issa, ok?

but yeah, i’m still guilty about what i did and how i treated him. was i really mean to you?

 iloveyou, boy. take care of me. i need you more than you think i do.

just cuz i’m feeling soo goddamn blessed right now <3

this one’s for you.


The perfect words never crossed my mind,
’cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,
All I wanted just sped right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out,

There you are standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I won’t wait forever(2x)

In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire,
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes,

There you are standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

There you are standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

No I won’t wait forever(x3)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7taFtKZEDA

right now i’m not really in the mood to nag about how terrible my day was or how bored i was and how being grounded sucks.
i’d live even if the whole world wasn’t paying sympathy for my misery. believe me, i will.
right now all i want to do is to write down how blessed i am to have someone who puts up with me and who has to suffer with my careless blows.

yes, PMS. i’m one might roller coaster ride.

and i just wanna say that i’m REALLY REALLY terribly sorry for being a bitch to you.
:[

dancing in the rain makes you feel better.
and so does cying in your friends arms. no, anyone’s arms for that matter.
crying makes you feel better.
letting someone know you cried and see her eyes water up when you cry makes you feel better.
he makes me feel better. ❤


i made james mad today. and i can’t get over it. and the scary part is, if he didn’t get mad at me or if he just put up with my whinning then i wouldn’t have snapped out of whatever daze i was in and i wouldn’t stop being a bitch either.
it’s funny how he knocked me down and then picked me up again. idk. don’t try to figure that out.
and wa lang, i just realized that i can’t be a selfish bitch anymore and that i shouldn’t expect everyone to spoil me when i’m feeling bad. i guess i needed a reality check and he gave me that and i just feel blessed.
no more crying issa, ok?

but yeah, i’m still guilty about what i did and how i treated him. was i really mean to you?

 iloveyou, boy. take care of me. i need you more than you think i do.

just sing

no, i can’t relate to these songs
but i would like to sing them on stage one day.
i think they’re catchy

Album: Let Go



Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby


Right now I feel invisible to you, like I’m not real


Didn’t you feel me lock my arms around you


Why’d you turn away?


Here’s what I have to say


I was left to cry there, waiting outside there


Burning with a lost stare


That’s when I decided




Why should I care


‘Cuz you weren’t there when I was scared


I was so alone


You, you need to listen


I’m starting to trip, I’m losing my grip


And I’m in this thing alone




Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody’s place


When you turn around can you recognize my face


You used to love me, you used to hug me


But that wasn’t the case


Everything wasn’t okay


I was left to cry there, waiting outside there


Burning with a lost stare


That’s when I decided



Crying out loud

I’m crying out loud


Crying out loud


I’m crying out loud




Open your eyes


Open up wide


Why should I care


‘Cuz you weren’t there when I was scared


I was so alone




Why should I care


‘Cuz you weren’t there when I was there


I was so alone


Why should I care


If you don’t care then I don’t care


We’re not going anywhere




Why should I care


‘Cuz you weren’t there when I was there


I was so alone


Why should I care


If you don’t care then I don’t care


i’m gonna make it bend and break
(It sent you to me without wait)
Say a prayer but let the good times roll
In case god doesn’t show
(Let the good times roll
Let the good times roll)

And I want these words to make things right
But it’s for wrongs that make the words come to life
Who does he think he is?
If that’s the worst you got, better put your fingers back to the keys

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren’t so great
He tastes like you
Only sweeter
One night and yeah, one more time
Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the memories
See, he tastes like you
Only sweeter

Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going back
In these crystal balls
It’s always cloudy
Except when you look into the past
One night stand
(One night stand)

They say
“I only think in the form of crunching numbers
In hotel rooms
Collecting patient lovers”
Get me out of my mind
Get you out of those clothes
I’m a letter away
From getting you into the mood
Whoa

DIE!!!!