so today’s the day we’ve been wasting our saturday’s on. we finally had our NCAE’s.
they were really weird, actually.
i mean, what kind of test asks you if you have a battery opertaed cassete player at home? or a microwave or aircon and shi like that. weird gyud. and it’s not weird for me cuz i have all those things but it was kinda weird to imagine how i would feel it i didn’t have most of the things that we’re listed on that questionnaire. i guess i’d feel really sad and unlucky. [seriously, you would too if you didn’t have an iron at home!]
which for the slightest moment made me feel lucky and no doubt, grateful. grateful that i had all those appliances [even a turbo. wow, imagine that!] and that my parents weren’t just fisherpeople or carepenters and laborers and that i go to a private non-sectarian school in the urban area of the city and even because i have a computer, a tv, magazines AND books. geez. sometimes i really forget how blessed i am.
yes, today is “i’verealizedhowtrulyluckyiamday”
anyways, about the NCAE’S idk, it honestly didn’t feel like a big deal to anyone or everyone at my school but the whole test kinda felt like a REALLY big deal to me. i mean, the whole time i was taking the test, i just kept thinking on and on and on again that THIS was the test that could probably tell me what i’m REALLY supposed to be. it was going to reflect what I was good at and i just kept thinking that what if i’m supposed to be that one thing i rreally never want to be or maybe something i never would have imagined myself becoming. worst of all, what if the results of that single test would tell me that i’m not supposed to be what i REALLY want to be.
which made me realize something. maybe having my own boutique is just this far fetched dream of mine. you know, how people dream of going to the moon? maybe my standards of dreaming are just a bit lower than some but what if THAT’S my far fetched dream. maybe i AM supposed to be a nurse. maybe it’s my pride that’s telling me that i’ll hate every bit of it.
but i thought it today, what could be so wrong bout being a nurse? i like talking. i like people. i like being involved and feeling like i have a very important role in someone’s life. maybe this whole nurse thing isn’t as bad as i’ve been thinking. the thing is, i wouldn’t do if i didn’t have to.
one day i want to open a pencil company. people never stop needing pencils. and then maybe i’ll open my own restaurant and a boutique. i’m making necklaces now. that’s my new thing.
i can’t help but be scared about the future. it’s just so far away and i’m scared i won’t be able to live a good one.
i’m esp. scared about going into the future with james not being there. i know THIS sounds a little more far fecthed that anything else but yeah, that does scare me. i’m scared that one day he is not going to be there the same way he is now. cuz i want him to be around forever. and by that time, i want us to be stronger than ever.
highschool is about kissing one boy this night and not knowing who you’re going to kiss the next.
i’m done with that part of highschool. i just want whatever is after that. and i do so im not letting go.
i thought this was supposed to be about the ncaes. shmooo.