2007 was just like heaven. but 2008 is gonna be GREAT!!

Just
because i’m soo tacky like that ;]

So, iIt’s
another “new” year and another year of me trying to keep my tradition alive. i’m never going to stop this. no matter how much james hates me for this. [JAMES AGAIN. hai nako, issa.]

well, i think this is really a part of who i am na gyud. this blog- it’s like my extra life.  there’s never been a time  since 2005 when something absolutely awesome or screwed up happened and i wasn’t thinking about my blog. lol. this thing knows all my secrets and all my thoughts and one day, i want all the entries i’ve posted on this blog to be posted and made into a book cuz i’m cool like that. hahaha.

i just read my blog from last year. [if you want to read it, the date’s, 12/31/06] and idk, A LOT has changed since then. i was so unhappy during 06 oie, i don’t know what happened. no, actually, i do know what happened, i was just soo lost back then and i feel sorry for myself. HAHA. but yeah, all people MUST go through an ihatetheworld phase. that’s how you REALLY see the beauty of things. well, that’s what I think anyways.

i know that a year ago, when 06 ended, i just wanted so much in life and i wasn’t getting any of it. but i guess if you just keep wishing and praying, you get it, right? haha. see, it’s GOOD TO BLOG.

before the end of last year, i answered a survey. i think i’ll do it again this year. lmao.

(-) last years answers

(^) comment about last years answers

(*) this years answers

007/008 survey

1.Will you be looking for a new job?
– i will try to find another way to make money so, yeah, i guess.

* uhm, i think i’ll just add whatever i can think of aside from selling munchkins cuz i can’t do that in COLLEGE. so yeah, maybe. i’m always trying to find different ways to make money anyways. lmao.



2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
– i don’t know if i wanna put myself in a “serious relationship”
situation or if i like playing around. so, rightnow, i think i’ll take
whatever comes.

^ i think i’m AWESOME! hahaha.

* no. i’m happy with the one i’m in now.



3. New house?
– hopefully. i wanna go back to apas.:(

* god knows how much i want to.



4. What will you do different in 07?
– i will embrace everyday. i won’t let too many things pass me by and i
will take more chances. that means, find the guts to sneak out.

^ i did sneak out ONCE. but i got caught. and i DID take more chances.
i fell inlove and fought for it. yipeee.

* this year, i’m going to live more. appreciate more, curse LESS, for once in my life i will be OPTIMISTIC!, care more, earn more,
continue to take more chances, pay more attention, learn to listen, control my temper better, love more, pray more, fight for myself more, be more independent, be better, be stronger, be smarter, be more responsible, PARTY MORE!, mean what i say more and i will not forget to ALWAYS BE REAL.
dami.



5. New Years resolution?
– not to slouch
not to write on myself
wear more colors
embrace things more
etc. etc.

^ pffft.

* i don’t have any this year.



6. What will you not be doing in 07?
– kissing random boys.

^ AMEN!

* running away from home, getting into HUGE fights with james, slipping away from my friends, having PMS, cursing as much, loosing/ wasting money



7. Any trips planned?
– moal boal. but knowing my mother, that won’t push through!

^ did i go, ba? don’t remember. lmao.

* none so far.


8. Wedding plans?
– aunt debbie

^ that i didn’t even bother to go to.

* mine
[because i’ll be turning 18 this year and i’m positive about wanting to marry James] HAHA


9. Major thing on your calendar?
– PROM!

^HAHA. LOOK HOW FUCKED UP THAT TURNED OUT FOR YOU!

* GRADUATION!!!



10. What can’t you wait for?
– summer and sinulog and mega parties.

* graduating, college, being 18, being able to party like a wild monkey and hopefully having a REALLY nice year with james.



11. What would you like to see happen differently?
– the player falling for the princess and the princess not catching him.

* my relationship with my family. i just want PEACE.



12. What about yourself will you be changing?
– a l o t

* a l o t



13. What happened in 06/ 07 that you didnt think would ever happen?
– HAHA. a lot!

* GOD. first, having a REAL boyfriend, leaving the house, maintaining my grades.



14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
– uhm .. i have to think about it.

^ once again, i am AWESOME.

* yes. especially to my papa and to james.



15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 06?
– i hope i gain some fashion sense this year!

* if i can afford to then, why not?



16. Will you start or quit smoking?
– i might start. but i don’t see myself as a smoker, really.

*if i wasn’t so darn committed to my boyfriend, i’d start.



17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
– no. i don’t know. i just want my mm to shut up.

^ this’ll never happen.

* yeah, i’ll try.



18. Will you do charity work?
– YES!

* yeah, it’s my humble pie. :]


19. Will you go to bars?
– yeah. i want to. i soo want to!

* yep. more frequently.



20. Will you be nice to people you dont know?
– not that i’m ever mean to them but ok…

* yeah, i will. and i’ll spread somma that niceness on james.



21. Do you expect 07 to be a good year for you?
– i hope it will. i just want a good, fun year.

* yeah, i do.



22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
– i changed.

* oh so much. i can’t even believe i was so much more hate the world than i already am last year.


23. Do you plan on having a child?
– hell no.

* still, no.



24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with?
– not all.

* most of them.



25. Major lifestyle changes?
– maybe. i wanna be a party girl. lol

* SEE JAMES!!!!
not major. oh, maybe major. i still wanna be a party girl. i want my boyfriend to be my best accessory during those times. i just want to be fabulous. [but i’ll have to be RICH first. haha]



26. Will you be moving?
– hope so

* doubt it.



27. What will you make sure doesn’t happen 07?
– giving away confetti

* giving away confetti. and the bad fights. and failing college or not fitting in it.
and forgetting who my friends are or who i am and my values and the Lord.


28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
– it’s new year naman gani and im answering this. geez

* it passed already.



29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
– that happens?!

* unta. but yeah.



30. One wish for 07?
– that i would just have a good year. last year screwed me badd.

* i still want world peace.

i really did hate 2006, noh? I can’t even remember anymore. hahaha.

well, anywyas, whatever, that yeat’s passed already and there’s no point in bringing it up anymore. i mean, it’s not like there’s eally anything that we can do about it anymore, right? right. lmao.

seriously, i think this year, i’ve been more straight forward [academically speaking] and i’ve been waay too one sided and demanding esp. with james but that’s cuz he’s ALWAYS spoiling me. not that that’s a bad thing though. haha. but i’ve alot too. like, with my priorities, i know what they are now and i try to stick to them, i try to accomplish them and yeah, i think i’m still working on it though but at least i’m not failing miserably. lmao.

my blogging has definitely changed. each blog is always revolving around either hating james or loving james. and that’s just it. i think people hardly read this because of that. HAHAH. not my problem. lmao. but i’ve changed oie. i add pictures now. 😀 and i’ve only started reading other people’s blog and commenting on them this year. so i’d like to think that i’ve upgraded. lmao.

let’s see.. what else? idk, i know that the biggest change in my life is def. James. i mean, if he wasn’t in my life right now, i think i’d be crying right now. i think new years eve would STILL suck and i’d still be wishing for the same thing. he’s just everything and i don’t need to explain that.

so, like every year, for 4 years [i actually counted and read all entries], i’m going to summarize the year. but i’ve only been doing this for 2. this’ll be the 3rd year. so yeah. enjoy.

before i write anything else about last year, i just have to tell you guys that the first 4 months of 2007, my life was still one big mess. i mean, duh, you don’t just wish and pray for something and then it happens just like that, right? so james, if you’re reading this right now, i know some of it’ll feel akward for you but this is how my year went and you might as well just deal with it. don’t worry, it wasn’t as colorful as it was when you arrived. ❤

so…

JANUARY

my new year’s ALWAYS suck only because i’m the eldest in the family and there’s really no one my age after me. so to make up for the holiday sadness, i always go wild during niña’s birthdays. this is the only thing i remember aside from sinulog. the first time i got majorly drunk. i’d do it again. HAHA. i rem. puking on my pants at btc that night and whinning. whinning about how nina should’ve went for seno cuz if he wasn’t fat, he’d be hot or something. idk how i came up with that idea but a drunk mind speaks the truth, right? lmao. btw, i’m wearing the jacket right now. i feel so loserific.

sinulog. oh, i remember that. i rem. that. dancing in the streets, covered with beer from the street party. chilling at baseline with the people and then getting this horrendous henna from Axel. i TOLD HIM I WANTED ANGEL WINGS. NOT FUCKING BIRD’S WINGS. i went to prom with that pa gyud. so GROSS!! then ayala at night and walking with nina to baseline again. smoking a DJ Mix for the first time and wanting to see francis and then feeling stupid for even agreeing to go to prom with the guy. i remember january. lmao. good tayms.

FEBRUARY

MY JUNIOR- SENIOR PROM
  DRAMAFEST TEACHERS DAY/ VALENTINES DAY SHS-J PROM

as hectic, glamourous and all that make-up clogged in your pores as february seems, i hated. i dreaded every single day of it. i don’t think that there was ever a time when i was at my worse other than february because i completely lost it.

first was sacred hearts prom. my date wouldn’t dance OR talk to me. that sucked ass. idk, it was my first prom so as much as i wish i could forget it, the downside is that, i know i’m never going to. esp. the part about being someone’s date, corsage on your wrist, getting pretty for a stupid boy, seeing people there and idk, just feeling special. but not as much as i wished i would.

then my prom came, that sucked ass too! i mean, it was good for a while, until a few weeks after when the hype was gone and everything was just old news. i brought francis as a thank you. he asked me to be his girl friend but i said, “not yet” and honestly, i don’t regret saying it. somewhere deep inside me, i knew i liked the boy but i knew i didn’t like him enough to be with him. i knew i didn’t like him enough to have what i have with james with him. i was stalling with him and waiting for the moment when it just popped into my head that i wanted to be with him. but it didn’t come as fast as i would’ve wanted it to at the time and to make a long story short, i’m not with him right now nor do i want to and that’s the end of him.

i guess i was so busy during teacher’s day cuz idk, i just remember being soo busy with it. i guess i needed teachers day sad cuz i knew that nothing good was going to happen for me on valentines [even if francis still existed during this time.]. i guess i’m just not lucky when it comes to being wooed on valentines day. i mean, i know i’ve always wanted to get a giant bouquet on valentines and probably something really out of the ordinary too. i know that i’ve always wanted to be the lucky girl on valentines but so far, that’s never happened yet. because the only boys who have given me roses or flowers on valentines day either were never my type or they just gave me flowers because they knew that if they didn’t, no one else would. [i feel soo insecure right now i’m about to cry.] i know i hate flowers but it’s just different when you get them on valentines day. lmao. but josh gave me flowers [tag 5 nga flowers], kevin gave me a rose and kissables and that’s it. josh gave me flowers cuz he’s my best friend and idk, no one else would so he felt “obliged” to. kevin only gave me flowers cuz of this blog:

in
a few hours, it’ll be valentines day and well, i’m not expecting
anything. not even anything from Francis. because although hearts, hugs
and kisses make me melt, it’s a little too expected. di bitaw. yeah,
let me be selfish. i wanna have the prettiest bouquet there is. i wanna be
spoiled for once and yeah, i guess i want what every other girl wants
on valentines day. and even though i don’t understand what power
flowers have [which btw, i want to have in the future], honestly, i
guess i just don’t wanna be one of the girls who isn’t going to get
anything on valentines day and according to my statistics, that’s
exactly what’s going to happen.

i think i know why i was so miserable before. HAHAHAHA.

MARCH

swim meet
 

day i got grounded


rem. this, james? HAHAHA.

third year finally ended and i could breathe again. of course, march was the time i got grounded for coming home at 3 am in the morning but i felt alive. and that’s what’s important, right? i don’t remember much about march though. i just know that the SSC had our major year end concert that i invited JAMES to but i know he wasn’t up to it. he had a better life than i did. he had his girls… and i had my auditor shit to deal with. oh yeah, the guitarist of whatever that bands name is stalked me. that was creepy. lmao.

APRIL

   

april. god, april was just like, the answer to all my prayers! and ya’ll already know why <333

idk. i guess you can see why i’m oh so grateful to have james in my life. cuz it didn’t just feel like he came because he wanted to or because i wanted him to. james came into my life at the right place and at the right time and he came when i needed someone the most and he came at a time when i was praying for someone the most. when he came [and of course, until now..], made me feel less crummy about all the mess in my life. he made me forget all the shit that had happened to me in the past and in some ways, he made feel how it’s like to give up everything for someone that you know is completely worth it. and maybe i got lucky cuz i didn’t need to give up something but i sure did fight for it and gain something soo much more.

and i know that god gave him to me during church camp. and i’m going to remember THOSE moments for the rest of my life <333

MAY

may was the time when me and james were still starting so yeah, it was hard. i remember sneaking out from tennis to be with him and going to sacred heart with him during lunch times to drop off food. i remember how nice it was to be falling inlove with a guy i’ve known all my life and until now, it still is. we didn’t really start fighting yet cuz yeah, it’s not like that when you start, diba? but anyways, it was hard, too. it took us like 3 months til my parents were cool and this was just during the summer so you can imagine how hard that was. cuz it was.

JUNE


school had just started during early june and james and i were kinda struggling with how we were gonna meet each other and shit and shit. then we started fighting and yeah, june up to august was hard for us.

JULY  AUGUST



i got in trouble cuz of THAT picture!
i was freakin depressed during july. was supposed to go to bagiou but didn’t. nuf said about that. lol. and well, most of that time was just using it tyring to spend time with james and trying to get ok with the family.

and oh yeah, me and kathya made up. 😀

SEPTEMBER
[the roughest of the rough]

you can never just have GOOD months, you know? idk. september was def. a good mix of the two. it just proves that good cannot prevail or manifest itself unless there is bad or something like that. well, thats how it was for me. i left the house during september cuz things were getting out of hand and after i left, things with james and the family were finally ok. and yeah, it was just so hard cuz in between all that, ihad school, james had school and sometimes, it would get crazy.

OCTOBER

october was a CRAZY months. mainly because:
me and james made it to 6!!!!
i turned 17!!
intrams. and everyone hated me. and i think they still do. HAHAHAHA.

NOVEMBER


boracay. and fights.

DECEMBER

well, you already know what happened. lmao.

and wow. i just summarized my whole year. 365 days in 2 hours that’s,.. amazing. it’s either i was able to summarize it really fast or my year was just really uneventful. but i doubt that. 2007 was a good year for me, overall.

it’s 4:35. wow. hahaha. i just keep saying that. wow. lmao.

but yeah, 2007 really was a good year for me and i just hope it gets better. i know i have a lot to work out for next year and i hope i get to do all of the things i kno wi’m supposed to. i’m soo thankful [to Jeebuz] that he just came into my life and worked in it and i’ve seen all the things that he’s done for me and i am thankful and i’m sorry too for all the times i’ve screwed up. esp. with my family. i know i’m not the biggest family junkie and i doubt i ever will be but this year, i’m gonna try to give respect to where my respect is due. and that’s the right thing to do man sad, right? lol.

my 2008 wishes:

that me and james get along most of the time and that we won’t fight as much.
[i will never stop believing in an always and forever with you]
– that i graduate with something extra [aside from a diploma]
– that i get a CAR 😀
world peace
– i wish i’d do good in college.
– that i’d make GOOD friends
– that i’d keep a good relationship with God
– i wish for ONLY good things
– i want more adventures this year, yo!
– i wish for FREEDOM
– cash
– for james sake, i wanna be more understanding, i wanna handle my emtions better, etc.
– I WANT TO BE SKINNNNY!
– i want a nice BUTT
– i wanna be contented. hehe.
– and i wanna accomplish EVERY goal i set

and since i like to STRIP so much, that’s what i’ll do…

i shall strip myself from..
– my insecurities
– my angers and frustrations
– my petty problems
– from the pressures of being a fucking teenager
– false hopes.
[forget what everyone’s promised you]

so far i think 2007’s been the best year. you wanna know why??

2007 was just like heaven. but 2008 is gonna be GREAT!!

Just
because i’m soo tacky like that ;]

So, iIt’s
another “new” year and another year of me trying to keep my tradition alive. i’m never going to stop this. no matter how much james hates me for this. [JAMES AGAIN. hai nako, issa.]

well, i think this is really a part of who i am na gyud. this blog- it’s like my extra life.  there’s never been a time  since 2005 when something absolutely awesome or screwed up happened and i wasn’t thinking about my blog. lol. this thing knows all my secrets and all my thoughts and one day, i want all the entries i’ve posted on this blog to be posted and made into a book cuz i’m cool like that. hahaha.

i just read my blog from last year. [if you want to read it, the date’s, 12/31/06] and idk, A LOT has changed since then. i was so unhappy during 06 oie, i don’t know what happened. no, actually, i do know what happened, i was just soo lost back then and i feel sorry for myself. HAHA. but yeah, all people MUST go through an ihatetheworld phase. that’s how you REALLY see the beauty of things. well, that’s what I think anyways.

i know that a year ago, when 06 ended, i just wanted so much in life and i wasn’t getting any of it. but i guess if you just keep wishing and praying, you get it, right? haha. see, it’s GOOD TO BLOG.

before the end of last year, i answered a survey. i think i’ll do it again this year. lmao.

(-) last years answers

(^) comment about last years answers

(*) this years answers

007/008 survey

1.Will you be looking for a new job?
– i will try to find another way to make money so, yeah, i guess.

* uhm, i think i’ll just add whatever i can think of aside from selling munchkins cuz i can’t do that in COLLEGE. so yeah, maybe. i’m always trying to find different ways to make money anyways. lmao.



2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
– i don’t know if i wanna put myself in a “serious relationship”
situation or if i like playing around. so, rightnow, i think i’ll take
whatever comes.

^ i think i’m AWESOME! hahaha.

* no. i’m happy with the one i’m in now.



3. New house?
– hopefully. i wanna go back to apas.:(

* god knows how much i want to.



4. What will you do different in 07?
– i will embrace everyday. i won’t let too many things pass me by and i
will take more chances. that means, find the guts to sneak out.

^ i did sneak out ONCE. but i got caught. and i DID take more chances.
i fell inlove and fought for it. yipeee.

* this year, i’m going to live more. appreciate more, curse LESS, for once in my life i will be OPTIMISTIC!, care more, earn more,
continue to take more chances, pay more attention, learn to listen, control my temper better, love more, pray more, fight for myself more, be more independent, be better, be stronger, be smarter, be more responsible, PARTY MORE!, mean what i say more and i will not forget to ALWAYS BE REAL.
dami.



5. New Years resolution?
– not to slouch
not to write on myself
wear more colors
embrace things more
etc. etc.

^ pffft.

* i don’t have any this year.



6. What will you not be doing in 07?
– kissing random boys.

^ AMEN!

* running away from home, getting into HUGE fights with james, slipping away from my friends, having PMS, cursing as much, loosing/ wasting money



7. Any trips planned?
– moal boal. but knowing my mother, that won’t push through!

^ did i go, ba? don’t remember. lmao.

* none so far.


8. Wedding plans?
– aunt debbie

^ that i didn’t even bother to go to.

* mine
[because i’ll be turning 18 this year and i’m positive about wanting to marry James] HAHA


9. Major thing on your calendar?
– PROM!

^HAHA. LOOK HOW FUCKED UP THAT TURNED OUT FOR YOU!

* GRADUATION!!!



10. What can’t you wait for?
– summer and sinulog and mega parties.

* graduating, college, being 18, being able to party like a wild monkey and hopefully having a REALLY nice year with james.



11. What would you like to see happen differently?
– the player falling for the princess and the princess not catching him.

* my relationship with my family. i just want PEACE.



12. What about yourself will you be changing?
– a l o t

* a l o t



13. What happened in 06/ 07 that you didnt think would ever happen?
– HAHA. a lot!

* GOD. first, having a REAL boyfriend, leaving the house, maintaining my grades.



14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
– uhm .. i have to think about it.

^ once again, i am AWESOME.

* yes. especially to my papa and to james.



15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 06?
– i hope i gain some fashion sense this year!

* if i can afford to then, why not?



16. Will you start or quit smoking?
– i might start. but i don’t see myself as a smoker, really.

*if i wasn’t so darn committed to my boyfriend, i’d start.



17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
– no. i don’t know. i just want my mm to shut up.

^ this’ll never happen.

* yeah, i’ll try.



18. Will you do charity work?
– YES!

* yeah, it’s my humble pie. :]


19. Will you go to bars?
– yeah. i want to. i soo want to!

* yep. more frequently.



20. Will you be nice to people you dont know?
– not that i’m ever mean to them but ok…

* yeah, i will. and i’ll spread somma that niceness on james.



21. Do you expect 07 to be a good year for you?
– i hope it will. i just want a good, fun year.

* yeah, i do.



22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
– i changed.

* oh so much. i can’t even believe i was so much more hate the world than i already am last year.


23. Do you plan on having a child?
– hell no.

* still, no.



24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with?
– not all.

* most of them.



25. Major lifestyle changes?
– maybe. i wanna be a party girl. lol

* SEE JAMES!!!!
not major. oh, maybe major. i still wanna be a party girl. i want my boyfriend to be my best accessory during those times. i just want to be fabulous. [but i’ll have to be RICH first. haha]



26. Will you be moving?
– hope so

* doubt it.



27. What will you make sure doesn’t happen 07?
– giving away confetti

* giving away confetti. and the bad fights. and failing college or not fitting in it.
and forgetting who my friends are or who i am and my values and the Lord.


28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
– it’s new year naman gani and im answering this. geez

* it passed already.



29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
– that happens?!

* unta. but yeah.



30. One wish for 07?
– that i would just have a good year. last year screwed me badd.

* i still want world peace.

i really did hate 2006, noh? I can’t even remember anymore. hahaha.

well, anywyas, whatever, that yeat’s passed already and there’s no point in bringing it up anymore. i mean, it’s not like there’s eally anything that we can do about it anymore, right? right. lmao.

seriously, i think this year, i’ve been more straight forward [academically speaking] and i’ve been waay too one sided and demanding esp. with james but that’s cuz he’s ALWAYS spoiling me. not that that’s a bad thing though. haha. but i’ve alot too. like, with my priorities, i know what they are now and i try to stick to them, i try to accomplish them and yeah, i think i’m still working on it though but at least i’m not failing miserably. lmao.

my blogging has definitely changed. each blog is always revolving around either hating james or loving james. and that’s just it. i think people hardly read this because of that. HAHAH. not my problem. lmao. but i’ve changed oie. i add pictures now. 😀 and i’ve only started reading other people’s blog and commenting on them this year. so i’d like to think that i’ve upgraded. lmao.

let’s see.. what else? idk, i know that the biggest change in my life is def. James. i mean, if he wasn’t in my life right now, i think i’d be crying right now. i think new years eve would STILL suck and i’d still be wishing for the same thing. he’s just everything and i don’t need to explain that.

so, like every year, for 4 years [i actually counted and read all entries], i’m going to summarize the year. but i’ve only been doing this for 2. this’ll be the 3rd year. so yeah. enjoy.

before i write anything else about last year, i just have to tell you guys that the first 4 months of 2007, my life was still one big mess. i mean, duh, you don’t just wish and pray for something and then it happens just like that, right? so james, if you’re reading this right now, i know some of it’ll feel akward for you but this is how my year went and you might as well just deal with it. don’t worry, it wasn’t as colorful as it was when you arrived. ❤

so…

JANUARY

my new year’s ALWAYS suck only because i’m the eldest in the family and there’s really no one my age after me. so to make up for the holiday sadness, i always go wild during niña’s birthdays. this is the only thing i remember aside from sinulog. the first time i got majorly drunk. i’d do it again. HAHA. i rem. puking on my pants at btc that night and whinning. whinning about how nina should’ve went for seno cuz if he wasn’t fat, he’d be hot or something. idk how i came up with that idea but a drunk mind speaks the truth, right? lmao. btw, i’m wearing the jacket right now. i feel so loserific.

sinulog. oh, i remember that. i rem. that. dancing in the streets, covered with beer from the street party. chilling at baseline with the people and then getting this horrendous henna from Axel. i TOLD HIM I WANTED ANGEL WINGS. NOT FUCKING BIRD’S WINGS. i went to prom with that pa gyud. so GROSS!! then ayala at night and walking with nina to baseline again. smoking a DJ Mix for the first time and wanting to see francis and then feeling stupid for even agreeing to go to prom with the guy. i remember january. lmao. good tayms.

FEBRUARY

MY JUNIOR- SENIOR PROM
  DRAMAFEST TEACHERS DAY/ VALENTINES DAY SHS-J PROM

as hectic, glamourous and all that make-up clogged in your pores as february seems, i hated. i dreaded every single day of it. i don’t think that there was ever a time when i was at my worse other than february because i completely lost it.

first was sacred hearts prom. my date wouldn’t dance OR talk to me. that sucked ass. idk, it was my first prom so as much as i wish i could forget it, the downside is that, i know i’m never going to. esp. the part about being someone’s date, corsage on your wrist, getting pretty for a stupid boy, seeing people there and idk, just feeling special. but not as much as i wished i would.

then my prom came, that sucked ass too! i mean, it was good for a while, until a few weeks after when the hype was gone and everything was just old news. i brought francis as a thank you. he asked me to be his girl friend but i said, “not yet” and honestly, i don’t regret saying it. somewhere deep inside me, i knew i liked the boy but i knew i didn’t like him enough to be with him. i knew i didn’t like him enough to have what i have with james with him. i was stalling with him and waiting for the moment when it just popped into my head that i wanted to be with him. but it didn’t come as fast as i would’ve wanted it to at the time and to make a long story short, i’m not with him right now nor do i want to and that’s the end of him.

i guess i was so busy during teacher’s day cuz idk, i just remember being soo busy with it. i guess i needed teachers day sad cuz i knew that nothing good was going to happen for me on valentines [even if francis still existed during this time.]. i guess i’m just not lucky when it comes to being wooed on valentines day. i mean, i know i’ve always wanted to get a giant bouquet on valentines and probably something really out of the ordinary too. i know that i’ve always wanted to be the lucky girl on valentines but so far, that’s never happened yet. because the only boys who have given me roses or flowers on valentines day either were never my type or they just gave me flowers because they knew that if they didn’t, no one else would. [i feel soo insecure right now i’m about to cry.] i know i hate flowers but it’s just different when you get them on valentines day. lmao. but josh gave me flowers [tag 5 nga flowers], kevin gave me a rose and kissables and that’s it. josh gave me flowers cuz he’s my best friend and idk, no one else would so he felt “obliged” to. kevin only gave me flowers cuz of this blog:

in
a few hours, it’ll be valentines day and well, i’m not expecting
anything. not even anything from Francis. because although hearts, hugs
and kisses make me melt, it’s a little too expected. di bitaw. yeah,
let me be selfish. i wanna have the prettiest bouquet there is. i wanna be
spoiled for once and yeah, i guess i want what every other girl wants
on valentines day. and even though i don’t understand what power
flowers have [which btw, i want to have in the future], honestly, i
guess i just don’t wanna be one of the girls who isn’t going to get
anything on valentines day and according to my statistics, that’s
exactly what’s going to happen.

i think i know why i was so miserable before. HAHAHAHA.

MARCH

swim meet
 

day i got grounded


rem. this, james? HAHAHA.

third year finally ended and i could breathe again. of course, march was the time i got grounded for coming home at 3 am in the morning but i felt alive. and that’s what’s important, right? i don’t remember much about march though. i just know that the SSC had our major year end concert that i invited JAMES to but i know he wasn’t up to it. he had a better life than i did. he had his girls… and i had my auditor shit to deal with. oh yeah, the guitarist of whatever that bands name is stalked me. that was creepy. lmao.

APRIL

   

april. god, april was just like, the answer to all my prayers! and ya’ll already know why <333

idk. i guess you can see why i’m oh so grateful to have james in my life. cuz it didn’t just feel like he came because he wanted to or because i wanted him to. james came into my life at the right place and at the right time and he came when i needed someone the most and he came at a time when i was praying for someone the most. when he came [and of course, until now..], made me feel less crummy about all the mess in my life. he made me forget all the shit that had happened to me in the past and in some ways, he made feel how it’s like to give up everything for someone that you know is completely worth it. and maybe i got lucky cuz i didn’t need to give up something but i sure did fight for it and gain something soo much more.

and i know that god gave him to me during church camp. and i’m going to remember THOSE moments for the rest of my life <333

MAY

may was the time when me and james were still starting so yeah, it was hard. i remember sneaking out from tennis to be with him and going to sacred heart with him during lunch times to drop off food. i remember how nice it was to be falling inlove with a guy i’ve known all my life and until now, it still is. we didn’t really start fighting yet cuz yeah, it’s not like that when you start, diba? but anyways, it was hard, too. it took us like 3 months til my parents were cool and this was just during the summer so you can imagine how hard that was. cuz it was.

JUNE


school had just started during early june and james and i were kinda struggling with how we were gonna meet each other and shit and shit. then we started fighting and yeah, june up to august was hard for us.

JULY  AUGUST



i got in trouble cuz of THAT picture!
i was freakin depressed during july. was supposed to go to bagiou but didn’t. nuf said about that. lol. and well, most of that time was just using it tyring to spend time with james and trying to get ok with the family.

and oh yeah, me and kathya made up. 😀

SEPTEMBER
[the roughest of the rough]

you can never just have GOOD months, you know? idk. september was def. a good mix of the two. it just proves that good cannot prevail or manifest itself unless there is bad or something like that. well, thats how it was for me. i left the house during september cuz things were getting out of hand and after i left, things with james and the family were finally ok. and yeah, it was just so hard cuz in between all that, ihad school, james had school and sometimes, it would get crazy.

OCTOBER

october was a CRAZY months. mainly because:
me and james made it to 6!!!!
i turned 17!!
intrams. and everyone hated me. and i think they still do. HAHAHAHA.

NOVEMBER


boracay. and fights.

DECEMBER

well, you already know what happened. lmao.

and wow. i just summarized my whole year. 365 days in 2 hours that’s,.. amazing. it’s either i was able to summarize it really fast or my year was just really uneventful. but i doubt that. 2007 was a good year for me, overall.

it’s 4:35. wow. hahaha. i just keep saying that. wow. lmao.

but yeah, 2007 really was a good year for me and i just hope it gets better. i know i have a lot to work out for next year and i hope i get to do all of the things i kno wi’m supposed to. i’m soo thankful [to Jeebuz] that he just came into my life and worked in it and i’ve seen all the things that he’s done for me and i am thankful and i’m sorry too for all the times i’ve screwed up. esp. with my family. i know i’m not the biggest family junkie and i doubt i ever will be but this year, i’m gonna try to give respect to where my respect is due. and that’s the right thing to do man sad, right? lol.

my 2008 wishes:

that me and james get along most of the time and that we won’t fight as much.
[i will never stop believing in an always and forever with you]
– that i graduate with something extra [aside from a diploma]
– that i get a CAR 😀
world peace
– i wish i’d do good in college.
– that i’d make GOOD friends
– that i’d keep a good relationship with God
– i wish for ONLY good things
– i want more adventures this year, yo!
– i wish for FREEDOM
– cash
– for james sake, i wanna be more understanding, i wanna handle my emtions better, etc.
– I WANT TO BE SKINNNNY!
– i want a nice BUTT
– i wanna be contented. hehe.
– and i wanna accomplish EVERY goal i set

and since i like to STRIP so much, that’s what i’ll do…

i shall strip myself from..
– my insecurities
– my angers and frustrations
– my petty problems
– from the pressures of being a fucking teenager
– false hopes.
[forget what everyone’s promised you]

so far i think 2007’s been the best year. you wanna know why??

argh, matey

THIS IS ME WITHOUT YOU…
[FOR A DAY]

I KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO SAY THAT I’M SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN AND I KNOW THAT WE HAVEN’T SEEN EACH OTHER FOR MORE THAN 3 DAYS BUT GOD, YOU’RE SOO FAR AWAY. [YEAH, 3 HOURS AWAY IS FAR FOR ME!] AND I HAVE SO MUCH FREE TIME THAT I’D RATHER BE SPENDING WITH YOU AND I JUST REALLY MISS YOU, I THINK I’M GOING TO CRY MY EYES OUT.
😦

COME HOME. NO, BRING ME THERE!!!

YOU’RE HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITHOUT ME AND IT’S MAKING ME JEALOUS. HAHA.
AM I EVIL OR WHAT?? LOL.
JUST PLAIN OL KSP.
SAKTO JUD SI MOMMY. LMAO.

COME HOME. SOON.
I MISS YOU.
SO
FUCKNG
MUCH.

</3
:(

Dear
James,

        Another letter, huh? You’re probably getting sick of
reading my letters already but I guess this is what I do. And I guess you’re
the only person I want to write to. Sad, noh? How my whole world is crumbling
into ashes, how nothing’s ever right anymore, yet I still prefer to write to
you instead of to my father who’s probably out somewhere thinking of how much I
don’t deserve anything good that he’s given me or how ungrateful I am. And you
know what? Maybe he’s right. But I don’t know anymore. Everyone’s just always
trying to figure me out. Always trying to find out what’s wrong with me and why
I am who I am now.

           It’s either
that or they’re bitching about me and why I’m never grateful enough or why I’m
full of reasons, etc. etc. Let them. I know I have to change and I’m going to.
If I won’t, then when I’m old enough to leave home and live the life I always
wanted to, they wouldn’t have to worry about me na because I’m only like this
to them, right? I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore na oi.

           No matter
how much I mess up and screw up and whatever uped, sorry is never enough,
right? You always have to deal with the consequences, right? And I am. Just by
being in this room right now and knowing that my papa hates me is already the
consequence of what I did or said, right? I think I’m right on this one.

           But
whatever, I didn’t write to you to bitch about the world or how much I hate
what’s happening. I wrote cuz it’s the 27th and no matter how bad
things have gotten in the past 8 months, no matter how hard or how tiring it
all was, I got through these 8 months with you, right?

           These 8
months have been the best 8 months of my life so far, babe and god, I only have
YOU to thank for that. And honestly, I’m excited for all the other upcoming months
and years that are ahead of us.

           I’m excited
for the fights, [hey, it’s going to happen man gyud, might as well brace it.] the
laughs, the adventures and everything else that’s bound to happen to us. No
matter how tiring or frustrating things’re going to get for us, I’m just glad
I’m going to go through all of those stuff with you. Just like the song I told
you mommy and papa were dancing to last night, remember? I’d rather have bad times with you than good times with someone new.
But let’s not pray for the worse. I also want really good times with you. Not
because that’s what I want but because I know that’s what you deserve. You
deserve to be happy because that’s what you’re always doing for me- making me
happy.

           8 months na
gyud, noh? Makes me wonder sometimes what I was thinking when we started this
relationship. I don’t remember much from 8 months ago but I know that I was
scared. I was scared that you would just walk into my life, change me forever
and then just leave me like most guys do. I was scared that in the end, I would
cry over something that was never really mine to begin with or something else
like that. Honestly, I don’t remember any of the things that I was scared of
before. The only thing I can REALLY remember was the feeling in my stomach when
you held me or when you looked at me because those feelings were so strong that
it made me brave and unafraid. It gave me this assurance inside me that this
was right, that this was what I wanted and that I was going to go through with
it, all the way because it is going to be worth it one day. And you know, I
still get those feelings when I’m with you. That’s why I never give up on us.
That’s why the minutes just fly by when I’m in your arms because nothing else
matters but that look in your eye and that smile in my heart.

           I am so
GAY, aren’t I?

           James, I
know I owe you so much [moneywise and etc. wise. Haha.] and I know I have a lot
to be sorry to you for.

           I am so
grateful [HA! SEE, I CAN BE GRATEFUL!] that you came into my life and taught me
the importance of fighting for what you want. I’m never going to stop fighting
for you unless you tell me to.

 You walked into my life and made
me realize that life does suck. It sucks like hell but there’s always going to
be that one person who makes you forget all that and just appreciate the goods
things in life. if there are any, anyways.

           I don’t
mean to put you a notch higher than my parents or my friends but god, that’s
what you do to me. Am I supposed to deny that?

            And you’ve taught me so much more than that,
too.

           James, I’m
sorry if I’m always such a spoiled brat, ha? I’m sorry if I’m always so
pessimistic and if I expect more than I deserve. I’m sorry for that. Really, I
am.

           Sorry if
I’m so demanding or if I expect too much from you. If I pressure you or if I
make you do things you would never ever do in your whole life if it wasn’t for
me. I’m sorry if I’m such a bad girlfriend all the time and if I never seem
like I deserve all the love and protection that you’ve been giving me for the
past 8 months.

           Come to
think of it, babe. I’ve never done anything good for you.
L god, you do deserve better. L L L

           But
anyways, maybe I’ve managed to do something right in our relationship because
you’ve never left me [even if you’ve thought about it a hundred million times
already.
L] and you always tell me that you
love me and that you need me. maybe I’m doing something good in our
relationship because you take so much care of me and I can only hope that I’m
doing a good job at repaying you.

           So yeah.
I’m tired na, babe. I’ll write you again, love. I love you!

           Happy 27th,
my love. Mwah!

ALL HAIL THE HOMEWRECKER

Have you ever screwed up so
bad that you actually know that the results of your actions will leave a
permanent scar on your family for like, ever?

 If you haven’t, then how’d
you like to live my life? Where the only place you have in this tiny home of
yours is your room.

 You wouldn’t believe the
shit I got myself into this time…

 So I guess I have a problem.
A lot actually.

 I love alcohol. [but my
parents don’t know that]

 According to my parents I
am:

 Ungrateful,

 A spoiled [rotten.
Redundant, I know. They MUST mean it]
brat,

 Shameless and a whole lot
more.

 But all this had been
concluded due to my… [drum roll, please]

Foul mouth. Wow.

      Haha.
It’s so hard trying to tell everyone this with a light heart. Hey, despite all
the drama in my life, I’ve managed to have a good day. Give me a break.

       So yeah,
you probably want a story and since I’m at the peak of my enthusiasm, a story I
will give.

       Yesterday,
due to very unfortunate events, I left my 2 mobile phones on our kitchen
counter where I was charging them. And my father, being the very respectful
person that he is, decided to scroll around and happened to come across my sent
items that contained foul and ill comments about him that I said the night
before because I was mad and like my mother, we become very vulnerable and
tackless when we are.

       A meeting
was called on my behalf at around 11 something to 1 pm. James, mother and
father were there. Tears were shed, words were spoken, voices were raised, etc.
etc. And after everything was said and done, in the end, I was the bad person.
I was the one who completely ruined this family. I was the one who was
ungrateful of the love, effort, tears and blood given for this family. In the
end, I was the one who every one was sick of. And that just sucks.

       I had to
go back to the LTO today to take my tests. It was funny and refreshing cuz I
managed to get everything done all by myself. James left for Dumaguete with his
family. Of all the times to leave.
L
It’s really sad. I think he’s avoiding me now. God, I’m loosing everything.
LLL

       I paid
1,000 pesos instead of 247.63 cuz I’m a cheater like that. The advantages of
doing so? I got all the answers to the driving test. HAHA.

       After
that, since mommy didn’t want me home, I went to chabel’s place. We had a photo
shoot after pigging on Mcdonald’s c/o Ken Hubahib, Chab’s boy. It was fun. But
I missed James.

       And the
more I miss him, the more it feels like he doesn’t want to be around me during
these times- the times when I feel like complete crap.
L

       My mom
actually said that I don’t deserve James and that he’s too good for me. If
that’s true then I’d give him up if he wanted that. He deserves better anyways.

       I feel
bad right now. I’ll follow up when I’m not feeling so godly.

far too complicated

how come no one ever told me that being a teenager with a “bad attitude” was going to be this hard? cuz god, it’s getting
really hard to handle and i think i’d prefer death over anything else you could possibly offer me in the world right now.
death does not sound bad at all.

god, am i like, the biggest screw up you’ve ever created in this universe or what? i think you did a very bad job at creating
me. you should just put my soul in the hall of rejects, if you have one of those things in heaven. i mean, i’ve been trying
a lot [if not my best] but i still fail horribly so maybe it’s how i’m programmed.

it’s 1:30 right now and i’m home. OH JOY. i’ve had only one meal so far, i’m starving and i’ve been crying so hard for the
past 3 hours that my teeth are starting to hurt.

i don’t want to be here. :[

i know this is an odd thing to say in the entire history of odd things to say but god, i wish i was in school right now. :[
(now i know i’m desperate)


i wish i was anywhere but here right now.

anywhere but sun valley where the drama is all more dramatic. </3

james, come back and save me.

issa.

TO SIR JAMES WITH LOVE

dear james victor balagosa, my bikoy <3,

    MERRY CHRISTMAS, BABY! i know i’ve been saying this to you the whole day but i can’t help it. you made my christmas this year extra merry and extra christmassy. it really is better to celebrate holidays with the people you love. and in my case, i got to spend it with you so, i rest my case. hahaha.

    anyways, idk, i just felt like going PDA on you tonight since i haven’t been giving you good reasons to read my blog. i’ve been on hiatus mood, babe noh? guess i just didn’t want everyone to think i was soo giddy and whipped na. but who am i to try and deny it? i am whipped and i guess i can’t undo that anymore. lol.

    thanks for spending the whole day with me and my family. that really means a lot to me. i know my family is getting really attached to you na gyud and i just can’t imagine a day that you’ll just disappear from us na gyud. it would be like a death in the family and i’m just never going to get over that. so don’t leave me, ok? i like how things are right now. and i just hope that things get better for us. :]

    and one more thing. thanks for liking the gift i got you. guess everyone does unbelievable things when they’re inlove, right? haha. don’t worry, love. next time i’ll get you a spankin’ car, just like you’ve always wanted. hehe.

    i love you soo much, bik. and i’m just starting to realize how much you REALLY REALLY love me, too. not that i never knew that you loved me gyud ha? but like, now, it’s just really showing na gyud! i esp. loved how gi introduce na gyud ko nimo as your “uyab” and how your family knows about us na gyud. finally. and how it just feels so nice having you around me all the time. i know it’s a selfish thing to say but thank you for putting me above everyone else, babe. is this wrong? idk. but i like it. haha.

    baby, i’m sleepy na. i’ll go ahead. night.

i got everything i wanted for christmas :]

yeah. for the first time, too. haha.

idk. i guess this year, the gifts just don’t really matter much to me. i mean, yeah, it’s really nice to have them but even without gifts, i’d be fine. i guess i’m just contented with the fact that james likes the jacket i gave him. at least i made him happy this year. that’s something big to me.

oh yeah, merry christmas, guys!

yep. it’s the 25th now and i don’t think i’ve had a christmas as good as this one.

the kids woke up at around 9 to opeen presents from santa claus. i got sandals from charles and keith. yey me!! lmao. i know it’s lame that i still get gifts from santa claus but one gift more never hurt anybody, right?

then i went to sleep after. haha.

then at like 3, everyone went to ayala to have gifts changed. james caught up.

blahblahblah.

me, mommy, lola, tita tina, james and papa watched this stupid movie at country mall. shake rattle and roll 3. ag brown out pjud in between the movie. that was srupid. hhahaha

then ate at la tegola and now i’m home. :]

wait james. don’t worry.

HAPPY holidays [finally]

so far, based on the days that’ve past, i think this years holiday season is the best season i’ve ever had.. so far! haha.

bayot’s home and it’s just been crazy. there’s been an equal amount of laughs, tears, drama, love and whatever shit you wanna add into that. haha.

i love the fact that i’ve been out every night with james and friends. it’s just really awesome. thursday night, i was a eduardo, james’s friends house, it was martins birthday party and yeah, drinking napud. it was fun. i wasn’t drunk though but i wasn’t completely sober either. haha. it was fun especially cuz i got to see other people dunk. paulo’s the funniest, by far. haha.

then the next day, friday, was the last day of school [christmas partaaay], the church concert, dinner with my papa’s friends and then pod5 with friends. alyssa, ayana and whoelse were drunk. i got to steal 2 bags of skittles. it was fun hanging out with them after such a long time.

friday was the most tiring day so far since christmas break started. but it was so totally worth it. me, james and his sister went christmas gift shopping and i walked with james and his family to the car after the church concert. we made a lot of progress that day. i’m glad. lol.

saturday. oh god, saturday. haha. we had a drinking party at home in celebration of bayot’s arrival. it was so fun. but of course, there was drama. i mean, how can you have a complete saturday night without it? lol. it was expected, it came but the night ended quite beautifully. especically cuz i didn’t pay for the booze. father paid for it. haha.

sunday. woah, sunday. hahaha. james’s mom’s bday. had dinner at their place. that was scary but we moved a step forward and god, i love that boy. soo fucking much.

monday. 24th. the whole day was pretty much dull. then james came over before noche buena to drop the christmas ham he got for my family and he suprisingly got a gift from my parents, too. hahaha.

i gave him my gift and yey. he likes it. :]

noche buena was fun. it was nice. i got a number of gifts, too. i don’t have a favorite one though. i’m waiting for my shoes from james 😀 hahaha.

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