lif eis too short. so go ahead and break my heart

i just HAD to steal it, gerlie. :]

i’m supposed to be studying but i can’t i feel the need to blog and to get this off my chest.

college is college. i have made enough friends and i’m not so anti social anymore. i’m so close to some people that i am already on a “be my slave cuz i’m a princess” basis with them. translation: i have people who carry my books around for me cuz i’m too lazy to bring my own. lmao.

but this isn’t why i’m blogging. idk. right now i’m just stuck.

me and james broke up. but i know it’s not for good.

and somehow along the day we managed to fix things but honestly, i cannot get over the fact that i was the one who asked if we could get back together [then he claimed that i beat him to it. which i know is complete bull.] because first of all, he broke up with me. and if were to ask me to enumerate the number of times people have said how baga his face is for breaking up with a girl for NOT a really good reason then i couldn’t tel you because everyone said it. and i don’t know how many people everyone really is.
idk, is saying fuck you really a good reason to break up? i always thought you only break up if you stop loving the person. maybe he doesn’t. but he just says he does.

we’re still not together but we’re sort of like it. i don’t know if i still want this because it’s unfair for me. it always hurts and idk.

but then again, ambot. i just know that i WANT and NEED to be with him and that’s why i bend backwards for him al the time.

i’m just lost. and tired. and really hurt.

xoxo

not much but since i’m on…

it’s a wednesday and i’m tired. but i don’t even think i lack sleep. i just remembered that i forgot to go to the PE Office to do that thing i’m supposed to do as NSTP Officer. haha.

i have school at 12 tomorrow but i’ll be going much earlier to have my practice for English AND Foundations of  Nursing. ironically, we have a lot of role playing this week. and i thought college would be more “sophisticated”.

my mom and i are having dinner tonight and then she said we’re going to the spa. when i get home, i still have to study and make stuff for school. there really is no relaxing for me anymore.

i wanted to cry yesterday cuz i just really realized that i’m taking nursing. guess it took quite a while for it to sink in.

anyways, i’m really blank right now. bye!

big, bad typhoon frank

http://www.sunstar.com.ph/static/net/2008/06/24/sulpicio.ships.grounded.html

last saturday, there was a really bad typhoon here. despite that, we still had to go to school. i swear, it was crazy.

the next day, we found out that a ship from manila going to cebu sank and around 800 people were missing.

yesterday, on my way to school, we passed by the pier that the ship was supposed to dock at and i just saw so many people waiting and hoping that the people they loved were safe. but noone was really sure cuz like i said, 800 people were still missing and only arund 50 survivors had been found.

idk why i decided to post a blog like this but it makes me really sad. i don’t think i would’ve cared at all if i hadn’t passed by the pier. but when we did, i just felt bad for them cuz ii know that there were children on that boat. and i thought, what if someone’s husband, boyfriend or fiance was on that boat? what if someone’s child who they haven’t seen in years was on that boat? what if someone i knew was on that boat? what if my classmates parents were on that boat? and then i just felt worse.

people die in typhoons. and i just feel really lucky to be living in a house with strong walls and a good roof.

xoxo

no pain, no drain

got home from school about an hour ago. went straight to studying and trying to figure our what i have to do tomorrow. thankfully, there’s this girl names nikki in our class who texts us everyday and tells us about school work and shit.

i think everyone in my class is finding their place or at least knows half of the class by name. in my case however, i only know them by code name. the following examples are:

* LEYTE GIRL
* GANGSTER GIRL/ DJ GIRL
[cuz she’s a crip and she LOVES it]
* FAT GIRL
* DEEP VOICED GUY
[ who is probably gay, btw]
* GIRL I DON’T LIKE
[cuz she stares at me a lot]
* SHREK
[cuz he looks like shrek]
* SKIRT GIRL
[cuz she only wears skirts]
* BUS BOY
[cuz he looks like one]
* CIC GIRL
[cuz she comes from there]
* HAPJAP GIRL
[cuz she’s half jap.]

and so on and so forth..

i DO know SOME people in my class. but not yeah. whatever.

i got pissed at james today cuz at lunch he said he’d throw my wallet cuz i left it lying around. and cuz he kept nagging about my uniform how i should have it altered or how he’s excited to see nina in the uniform.
i dont think i have the right to get mad though but can i help it if i think that he’s trying to turn me into a barbie doll or if i think that he compares me to other girls or if i feel like i’m not good enough for him? because with him, there’s always something i have to change or be better at or do differently. sigh. :[

and i got pissed at him too because he gets mad when i talk to his friends. geez. some guys would be happy that their girlfriends got along with their friends. but whatever. that’s him. i can deal.

aside from that, i have blisters on my feet. and i slid a couple of times while walking and i have bandaids on my feet, too. and i’m reading the perks of being a wallflower again. because i want to feel infinite. and the book makes me feel infinite.

we have PE tomorrow. should i be excited?

xoxo.

it takes passion

the first week of college is FINALLY over and there hasn’t been a day since class where i haven’t been dead beat tired. i should’ve belived people when they said that college was completely different from high school. *sigh*

idk, it’s just been assignment after another. and it’s so crazy cuz some of the books that we’re required to buy aren’t even available at our book store so you can imagine the stuff i have to go through just to get the books or to get the selections of our homework that are in the books that i have yet to buy.

i wish i was in high school. it was so much easier back then.

i was looking at pictures on my multiply a while ago [issaplease.multiply.com] and i came across a picture of me in high school with my knee high socks and idk, i know that i don’t miss it but i can’t help but reminise. [sp?]

i’ve been studying the whole day and yesterday. and then tomorrow i have to wake up and do it all over again.

i think i just don’t see the beauty of all the hard work is cuz i don’t have passion for it. i think it’s true when they say that everything is just better when you love what you’re doing. but i don’t love what i’m doing. that’s the problem. but i am just being numb about the whole thing. deal with what they give you and just strive for it.

it’s all about the money at this point. forget being happy, forget everything that is supposed to matter. it doesn’t matter anymore because this was never my choice. oh well. another big *siiigh*

i got grounded yesterday for going home at around 12 riding a cab. but i didn’t actually ride a cab. i rode with james. but my parent don’t know that.

i had dinner with my friends and drank a bacardi with james. i got hit and thank god i did because it made whatever my mom said sound funny.

i stopped by james’s house to have a good talk with him. last night was perfect. so fuck whatever my mom said. i don’t know.

whether she likes it or not, i had fun. that’s all that matters now.

xoxo,
girl on the verge of insanity.

colgate collegiate

whateever with my status, i don’t care.

today was the first day of COLLEGE for me as a NURSING student and let me just tell you, i rock. HAHAHAH. jp. nah, it was ayt NO it was TIRING. i don’t think i’ve ever been soo tired from climbing flights of stairs. well, WHO WOULDN’T BE, THERE WERE 6 OF THEM?! AND I HAD TO CLIMB THEM OVER 6 TIMES! hahay.

it was crazy. when i got there, the whole place was swamped with freshmen. like, you could tell that they were freshmen cuz everyone was in casual wear while the higher levels were in their uniforms. i was so scared cuz nina wasnt there yet nor was james but i found some people to hang out with while they weren’t there yet. a bunch of theresians so it was ayt. at like 8 we had mass with all the other courses and then orientation. orientation was hellah boring and we were starving and i conclude that i rock because i cut my first class. except it wasn’t really a big deal but it was funny cuz we just walked out of the gymnasium in front of everyone. HAHA.

and then i spend most of my lunc break waiting to get my picture taken for my ID which i DIDN’T GET! ugh. i hate it soo much. i have t line up and do it again TOMORROW.  pisti. haha. while i was lining up, the BSN orientation was going on and by the time i got tired of waiting for my id, the orientation finished. so i basically climbed those 6 flights of stairs for nothing. raar.

after that we had our classes and then yeah, Christian Living and blah2. i’m class treasurer and that’s a good thing for me cuz now i get to keep the money. YEAH BOIII. hahah.

we’re 49 in class.

and college is sucking out all the energy in me.

good night.

omg. OMWG

w means wonderful because i’m holy now.

i am lame because me and james got back together. because he promised me so many things and i just really want to know how it feels like to be on the receiving end.

my dad talked to me and james this afternoon after we got back for our awesome famiy trip and all was good and college is starting tomorrow and i am scared as hell but still very excited. college. wow. it’s such a big word. college.

i’ll blog soon

let the good times roll

an ode to our 13 months

13 months.sure it wasn’t perfect. we were always fighting but i was happy. i always complaining but when i wasn’t, you couldn’t even tell that there was something wrong. i did so much for you and i don’t want to say that it wasn’t worth it because it was. i got to experience the best 13 months a girl my age ever could.

god james, i love you and everyone knows that. everyone knows how i always put you above myself and everyone else but there were so many times when you hurt me and you made me feel like a piece of shit. it’s ironic though because when you weren’t putting me down, you always made me feel more than i was. but that doesn’t matter now.

i know i really hurt you. i know i wasn’t there to make you feel better when you really needed me. and i know that i could vey easily take those words back but somehow, i don’t want to. only because i’m scared. i’m scared that if i do, you’ll hate me more because i promised us that we would never ever break up.and is was the one who ended things with us. i’m scared that if we do get back together, i’ll screw up even more and it’ll just seem like we never broke up.

because at 5:49 of june 7, 2008, we officially ended things. but that doesn’t mean that i don’t picture out my life without you because i know what i want in life and that’s you. and this doesn’t mean that just because we aren’t together right now means we can’t still be together in the future. right?

but i want this break up to mean something to the two of us. because it means everything to me.

i’m very in love with you james. but i don’t deserve you.