just let me scream

busy reading survey answers for the term paper i’m making and it’s about teenage girls insecurities. it’s pretty pathetic cuz the girls who answered said that they weren’t aware that they were insecure to begin with yet they’re the ones who checked off most of the items that they were insecure about. [money, dating, mental status, physical appearance, etc.] so if i were to play shrink i’d say these girls are too insecure to admit that they’re insecure. lol.

me, the only thing i’m insecure about is not finding someone to end up with. because that’s the only thing that matters to me, really. sheesh.

got off from school early and i went to ayala with nina and datan. i had jap again.

i want sanoks.

i want james victor balagosa.

i want to die.

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procrastination

i’m supposed to be finishing the term paper i’m getting paid to make but i’m just so lazy right now as i’ve been the past few days. so i guess i’ll push it aside and do it whenever i feel like making it again.

i had a really unproductive day at school today. i swear i just shouldn’t have gone. i just went to school for attendance for my anthro class and we had a film showing and i just stayed at the back of the room and read my book while listening to music on my iPod. right after that we went straight to SM to pass time. Sm was good. we had tokyo joe’s. that made me happy.

then i was supposed to buy a guniae pig but then the ones at Mascot petstore looked old so i didn’t buy nalang and to make up for not getting what i wanted, i bought myself a book 😀 i love my abilities to compensate for everything!

so now i’m reading the memory keeper’s daughter by kim someone.

but i really wanted to buy the shack. i just didn’t cuz i didn’t have enough money. i paid for nina’s lunch. sue me for being a nice friend.

i’m going out to get a facial right now so i’ll bounce.

i want casa verde tomorrow.

Promise lyrics

What you think about this?
I been holding it in now I’m letting it flow
What you think about this?
I’m gonna do my own thing yeah I’m flying solo so
Don’t tell me how its gonna be
On my own
And the thing of it is
There’s nothing round here that I’m gonna miss
Cause you’re holding me down
I just wanna fly
There comes a time when I gotta say goodbye
To the life that you see me in
Here’s where I begin

[Chorus]
And I promise myself
I ain’t nobody’s, I just wanna be free
And I promise myself
Even though it don’t always come easy
Gonna learn from my pain
Never explain
Do it my way, that’s what I say
Promise myself
I’m the only one who will believe me

There’s a voice in my head
Telling me come on, come on, move on
There’s a voice in my head
Telling me I know my right from wrong
They say what doesn’t kill you can
Make you strong
Now I know what it means
You can try to bend but you ain’t breakin my dreams
I’ll be making mistakes
Comin up at a loss
I’ll be tumbling down
But Like MC shake it off
I’ll stay cool cause I know who’s boss
Of me, myself, and I

i’m addicted to my iPod again. good times.

hollah xxx

procrastination

i’m supposed to be finishing the term paper i’m getting paid to make but i’m just so lazy right now as i’ve been the past few days. so i guess i’ll push it aside and do it whenever i feel like making it again.

i had a really unproductive day at school today. i swear i just shouldn’t have gone. i just went to school for attendance for my anthro class and we had a film showing and i just stayed at the back of the room and read my book while listening to music on my iPod. right after that we went straight to SM to pass time. Sm was good. we had tokyo joe’s. that made me happy.

then i was supposed to buy a guniae pig but then the ones at Mascot petstore looked old so i didn’t buy nalang and to make up for not getting what i wanted, i bought myself a book 😀 i love my abilities to compensate for everything!

so now i’m reading the memory keeper’s daughter by kim someone.

but i really wanted to buy the shack. i just didn’t cuz i didn’t have enough money. i paid for nina’s lunch. sue me for being a nice friend.

i’m going out to get a facial right now so i’ll bounce.

i want casa verde tomorrow.

Promise lyrics

What you think about this?
I been holding it in now I’m letting it flow
What you think about this?
I’m gonna do my own thing yeah I’m flying solo so
Don’t tell me how its gonna be
On my own
And the thing of it is
There’s nothing round here that I’m gonna miss
Cause you’re holding me down
I just wanna fly
There comes a time when I gotta say goodbye
To the life that you see me in
Here’s where I begin

[Chorus]
And I promise myself
I ain’t nobody’s, I just wanna be free
And I promise myself
Even though it don’t always come easy
Gonna learn from my pain
Never explain
Do it my way, that’s what I say
Promise myself
I’m the only one who will believe me

There’s a voice in my head
Telling me come on, come on, move on
There’s a voice in my head
Telling me I know my right from wrong
They say what doesn’t kill you can
Make you strong
Now I know what it means
You can try to bend but you ain’t breakin my dreams
I’ll be making mistakes
Comin up at a loss
I’ll be tumbling down
But Like MC shake it off
I’ll stay cool cause I know who’s boss
Of me, myself, and I

i’m addicted to my iPod again. good times.

hollah xxx

this never gets old. haha

I found that box of letters
Lying on the ground
The ones you used to write me before it all went down
I even got a papercut trying to figure out
What to do with all these memories
And you’re not who you used to be
And I wonder where your gone

Have you fallen in a black hole?
Somewhere there’s a universe of missing stuff
What happened to the good times?
What happened to the moments where we had so much?
Where’s the love? [2x]

Remember all those hours laughing on the floor
Those days of doing nothing fell like nothing did before
I don’t need those sneakers or that money after all
I’ll trade them for old message you’ve called

‘Cause it’s not how we used to feel
And I wonder what went wrong

Have you fallen in a black hole?
Somewhere there’s a universe of missing stuff
What happened to the good times?
What happened to the moments where we felt so much?
Where’s the love?
I wanna go there, and I wanna know where
Everything that meant something to me is all

I found that box of letters, used to make me smile
But now I feel so lonely

Has he fallen in a black hole? [3x]

brighter

Jesse McCartney Take Your Sweet Time Lyrics:

It isnt a crime to want
A little space to breathe
But you will be fine
The sun again will shine on you
Whatever you do

[Chorus]
Take your sweet, sweet time
I will be here when you
change your mind
Take your sweet, sweet time
I will be here for you baby
Anytime

Im feeling you pull away
’cause letting go isnt easy for me
But you’ll never fly
With someone elses wings, I know
Wherever you go

I will never stand in your way
Wherever your heart may lead you
I will love you the same
And I will be your comfort every day
Do you hear the words I say?

my sweet love – john mellencamp

Sweet love
Standing at my gate
Oh, my sweet love
It sure
Would feel good
To feel good again
Oh my sweet love

You say
That you need me
You’ll always
Believe me
Oh, my sweet love
That our love
Is forever
We’ll always
Be together
Oh, my sweet love

You say
You’ll always
Come through
There’s nothing
That you won’t do
Oh, my sweet love
But I’ve heard it
All before
I can’t beg you
Anymore
Oh, my sweet love

You’re the man
Who knows exactly
What he’s doing
You’re the boy
Who ate
The apple
Off the tree
When you’re good
You’re just crazy
When you’re bad
You’re too much

You say
You’d never hurt me
You’ll never
Desert me
Oh my sweet love
That your words
Are always true
I can depend on you
Oh, my sweet love

When you get
In the wind
And all the storms
Begin
Oh my sweet love
When you’re sad
And dismantled
And all
Your senses rattled
Oh my sweet love

Sweet love
Standing at my gate
Oh, my sweet love
It sure
Would feel good
To feel good again
Oh, my sweet love

i’m supposed to be sick. my whole body is literally burning up and i’m as tired as hell but yk, i just don’t feel like acting sick right now. so i’m doing really stupid shit on ym. lol.

so yeah, the past few days i haven’t really been thinking straight. i can’t even describe it. like i’ve been so lost. it’s probably post MS or whatever but i just so want it to go away soon.

i miss him a lot. i miss him every single day to the point where i still scribble our names on my hand and i don’t even bother washing it off the next day just cuz sometimes i wish that i would wake up in the past where i would wake him up and tell him i love him first thing in the morning. where the sound of his voice and knowing the fact that he loved me was just enough to make me go through the day. sometimes i wish i could go back to the time when i would beg him not to leave me because i was afraid i would turn into the huge mess i am right now.

sometimes i wonder if someone else could take his place. sometimes i know that someone could be a million times better than he ever has but i push him away. i don’t mean to but right now, i am just so scared. i don’t wanna be that sad little girl who would cry her eyes out, i don’t wanna be the one chasing after him anymore and i don’t wanna be treated like i didn’t deserve to be loved.

but what do you do after the only guy you’ve only loved breaks your heart into a million pieces? you don’t just pick them back up and say you’re “ok”. and if you could, i just can’t. cuz i don’t know how.

right now i’m so scared that if i let this thing go, i might not ever have it again because it is so beautiful in so many ways. but then i wonder most times if there’s still even some love left in me because i feel like i’ve been drained from all of it. maybe in a few years i can. but then right now, i just don’t see it coming.

i so want to see where this thing is going. i wanna know what’s in store for me. i want to move on with my life and maybe come to the terms that sometimes the things we live for the most just can’t last forever. i wanna know what it’s like to be on the receiving end. because from where i’ve been standing for the last 2 years, it never really was anything like that.

i hope he understands how hard things are for me right now. i hope he understands how hard it is to loose someone you would give the world for. i hope he’ll give me my time and space to realize what i want and what i need because i just don’t know right now. i don’t know anything. i’ve just been floating for the longest time trying to realize something.

i know i wanna be happy. but that is just so broad.

i’ve stopped praying for another chance with him. now i just pray about finding someone who deserves the love that i’m capable of giving. i pray that he’d bless me with someone i deserve. i pray that he just guides me. and of course, i thank him. he’s made my life better. in soo many ways. but yk, james is like a ghost i carry on my back.

i need to get over you. and all the things you’ve ever done to me. and all the things you never did. like say i was beautiful or drop everything you did just to have lunch with me. i need to get over the fact that you never fought for our love or that you never even talked to me about everything.

i need to get over the fact that you promised me something but never pushed through. and right now, i just really need to get over the fact that that “always and forever” you promised me is never going to happen afterall.

people are so good at teaching us how to take care of ourselve and shit. but they never really teach us how to take care of our hearts. they should. but then i’d probably fail.

issa.

v-day

i had a good day. i thought that i’d be really lonely today but then adrian took me out to lunch and we just hung out and i had soo much fun. i had so much fun getting to know him and stuff. he’s really adorable. ^^

then i had to go to school to do NSTP shit and then i met up with josh and he gave me a rose :’)

then right after that adrian took us home. it was really cute cuz he went back from wherever he was and he waited at his dorm place til we got out. it was nice of him to do something like that.

and now, diana is at my place getting ready to go wherever it is she’s going. i don’t know where though.. don’t wanna bother asking either. :p

i have to go get ready now. i’ll be out tonight. yey me. be jealous.

hello world. it’s me

hey i’m at chab’s again waiting for lunch and it’s like 3 right now. lol.

me and a might meet up later or idk, i might go to the vudu traffic light party but then again, i don’t know. lmao.

i’ll update soon.

btw, it’s friday the 13th.

let’s just see if this video is as crappy as i think it is. lol

Something always brings me back to you.
 It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

i don’t know if i’m happy or sad anymore.
i just know that i don’t want this pain inside me.
i know that i want to be happy.
i know that i wanna be good enough for someone.
i wanna be loved the way he never loved me.
i wanna stop crying and pretending to laugh when all i wanna do is break down.
i don’t know anymore.

😦