For The Record

my 2009 year ender is kinda late and i’m kinda drunk so ok.. enjoy πŸ™‚

 

007/008/ 009/ 010 survey

1.Will you be looking for a new job?
– i will try to find another way to make money so, yeah, i guess.

 

* uhm, i think i’ll just add whatever i can think of aside from selling munchkins cuz i can’t do that in COLLEGE. so yeah, maybe. i’m always trying to find different ways to make money anyways. lmao.

+ no. i see myself as a nurse now. amazingly. yeah, i am as SHOCKED as you are.

= as much as i appreciate my parents for sending me to college, nursing will never be something i love and i won’t stop reaching for that thing that’ll bring me contentness so yes, i will. but i’m speaking ahead of myself.


2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
– i don’t know if i wanna put myself in a “serious relationship” situation or if i like playing around. so, rightnow, i think i’ll take whatever comes.

^ i think i’m AWESOME! hahaha.

* no. i’m happy with the one i’m in now.

+ no. i love having a boyfriend. and most of all, i love james.

no matter what.

= i hate reading my previous answers. i was so naive. yes, i will be looking for a new relationship. hopefully this time it will be a healthy one and this time i will be truly happy.
 


3. New house?
– hopefully. i wanna go back to apas.:(

* god knows how much i want to.

+ oh god. i wish!

= for the first time, i’m happy in this little house. i’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how big my house is as long as i have a happy family.

4. What will you do different in 07?
– i will embrace everyday. i won’t let too many things pass me by and i will take more chances. that means, find the guts to sneak out.

^ i did sneak out ONCE. but i got caught. and i DID take more chances.
i fell inlove and fought for it. yipeee.

* this year, i’m going to live more. appreciate more, curse LESS, for once in my life i will be OPTIMISTIC!, care more, earn more,
continue to take more chances, pay more attention, learn to listen, control my temper better, love more, pray more, fight for myself more, be more independent, be better, be stronger, be smarter, be more responsible, PARTY MORE!, mean what i say more and i will not forget to ALWAYS BE REAL.
dami.

+ this year, i’m going to focus on my studies and try my best to be a better girlfriend. i just realized that maybe the reasons why i was such a bad gf to james is because i’m selfish. i’ll try to change that. but then again, it’s hard to break old habits ;]

= this year, i’ll take whatever comes and make the best out of it. everyday i learn and with every lesson the more human i become.

5. New Years resolution?
– not to slouch
not to write on myself
wear more colors
embrace things more
etc. etc.

^ pffft.

* i don’t have any this year.

 

+ oh, you just have to wait for that. πŸ˜€

= to do things differently and not based on the fears i have based from past relationships.

6. What will you not be doing in 07?
– kissing random boys.

^ AMEN!

* running away from home, getting into HUGE fights with james, slipping away from my friends, having PMS, cursing as much, loosing/ wasting money

+ all the things i said i wouldn’t do last year. hehe

= kissing random boys and getting too drunk. :/

7. Any trips planned?
– moal boal. but knowing my mother, that won’t push through!

^ did i go, ba? don’t remember. lmao.

* none so far.

+ anywhere. hopefully out of the country. πŸ™‚

= to your heart HAHAHA

8. Wedding plans?
– aunt debbie

^ that i didn’t even bother to go to.

* mine
[because i’ll be turning 18 this year and i’m positive about wanting to marry James] HAHA

+ hopefully none of my friends.

= no ones. hopefully. still

9. Major thing on your calendar?
– PROM!

^HAHA. LOOK HOW FUCKED UP THAT TURNED OUT FOR YOU!

* GRADUATION!!!

+ the end of my first year of COLLEGE!

= Bohol with Bayot and just lots of fun trips with friends πŸ™‚

10. What can’t you wait for?
– summer and sinulog and mega parties.

* graduating, college, being 18, being able to party like a wild monkey and hopefully having a REALLY nice year with james.

+ good times. a life worth living. success in school.

= graduation so it’ll finally be over with.

11. What would you like to see happen differently?
– the player falling for the princess and the princess not catching him.

* my relationship with my family. i just want PEACE.

+ my papa’s health fully restored.

= i just want to be happy this year. no more drama. i would want everything to be easy for me for once. i wanna be the lucky one.

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
– a l o t

* a l o t

+ a lot

= not much

13. What happened in 06/ 07/ 08 that you didnt think would ever happen?
– HAHA. a lot!

* GOD. first, having a REAL boyfriend, leaving the house, maintaining my grades.

+ being hit by james…

= breaking up with james and picking myself from all the mess. being able to move on and find myself. even though it was such a hard process.


14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
– uhm .. i have to think about it.

^ once again, i am AWESOME.

* yes. especially to my papa and to james.

+ oh yes

= yeah, i know who my friends are now and i know who i cherish and i’m not going to make the same mistakes i made before.

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 06/ 07/ 08?
– i hope i gain some fashion sense this year!

* if i can afford to then, why not?

+ i can FINALLY afford to so yes, it will.

= it depends.

16. Will you start or quit smoking?
– i might start. but i don’t see myself as a smoker, really.

*if i wasn’t so darn committed to my boyfriend, i’d start.

+ occassionally.

= stop. :/

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
– no. i don’t know. i just want my mm to shut up.

^ this’ll never happen.

* yeah, i’ll try.

+ so far,i wouldn’t change anything. i like how my relationship with my family is na

= yes, i’m going to be a better sister to casey and a more responsible sister to miguel. i will try to set a better example for them and most especially, i’m going to try harder with the Chua family. i never really cared much for family before but i guess you’ll learn how important it is in the long run.

18. Will you do charity work?
– YES!

* yeah, it’s my humble pie. :]

+ maybe not.

= proli.i would like to.

19. Will you go to bars?
– yeah. i want to. i soo want to!

* yep. more frequently.

+ not as much as i would’ve wanted to.

= not as much. it gets old. same scene, same mistakes… with different people.

20. Will you be nice to people you dont know?
– not that i’m ever mean to them but ok…

* yeah, i will. and i’ll spread somma that niceness on james.

+ no. people annoy me now.

= maybe. i am who i am and i’m not sorry for that.

21. Do you expect 07 to be a good year for you?
– i hope it will. i just want a good, fun year.

* yeah, i do.

+ yes, i do.

= i don’t but i would want it to.

22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
– i changed.

* oh so much. i can’t even believe i was so much more hate the world than i already am last year.

+ things have definetely changed, my friend.

now i’d like to think i’m more focused [!?] yet i’m also very much in vain.

= immensely. i am not the same person i used to be.

23. Do you plan on having a child?
– hell no.

* still, no.

+ oh jesus, no.

= NO! [ i can’t wait til my answer here is YES!]

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with?
– not all.

* most of them.

+ yes.

= no. not all. i know who to keep na.

25. Major lifestyle changes?
– maybe. i wanna be a party girl. lol

* SEE JAMES!!!!
not major. oh, maybe major. i still wanna be a party girl. i want my boyfriend to be my best accessory during those times. i just want to be fabulous. [but i’ll have to be RICH first. haha]

+ yeah. maybe i’ll hang out with my friends more.

= ugh why did i wanna be a “party girl” so much? it’s disgusting. if i could tell myself the things i know now. 😦 Llifestyle? i just want my life to be filled with people i love.

26. Will you be moving?
– hope so

* doubt it.

+ no, don’t think so.

= nope. doubt it.

27. What will you make sure doesn’t happen 07?
– giving away confetti

* giving away confetti. and the bad fights. and failing college or not fitting in it.
and forgetting who my friends are or who i am and my values and the Lord.

+ loosing my confetti. and loosing james.

= i’m not going to be a hypocrite here and talk about confetti. not on xanga because this is the only place where i can be truly honest without fear of judgment. This year, i will not take about drugs because that’s one of the things i am proud of. I will NOT fail any classes again and i am not going to be the 3rd person in a relationship again. i am not going to get myself into stupid drama and i am not going to turn into someone with no values and morals.
 

28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
– it’s new year naman gani and im answering this. geez

* it passed already.

+ to stay up!

= PARTYY. sorry, i know my whole party speech a few answers up but it was an exception πŸ˜›

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
– that happens?!

* unta. but yeah.

+ no 😦

= i don’t know about you but i did πŸ˜‰

30. One wish for 07/ 08?
– that i would just have a good year. last year screwed me badd.

+ to learn from my past experiences and put them into good works.

= to just live life the only way i know how and pray that it’ll be good to me.


wow. four years of answering this over and over again and it feels like i’m just starting to change who i am. or who i was. i feel different. in a good way. i have high expectations for 2010 HAHA

if i think about “the year that has passed” i don’t know if it was good or bad because i had so many bad things happen to me this year but it was only through all that shit that i learned and grew and i know that i am not the same person i was before and knowing just that gives me a better nights sleep.

relationshipwise, i’ve been screwed waaay out of my head. after the break up i just fell into meaningless relationships after meaningless relationships and that makes me sad. i have a kiss list of 26 boys now and i could name them all for you if  i wanted to. but i don’t. Some were out of immense like and some, were just a product of a really bad night. but they were always just kisses and nothing more. If there’s one thing about this, it’s that, sometimes a kiss is only a kiss. and i’m bringing that with me to my grave.

 one time it got so bad that i fell in love with someone who was in a relationship. and the worst part is is that i let myself fall into that trap because i thought or i wanted to think that i was worth any kind of worth to a guy like him. i feel like that time, i wanted to be that girl he realized was the one for him but now i know that it will never be worth it. If i talk about relationships too much here, it’s because sometimes, it felt like it was the only thing i really wanted. I felt like i had so many things i wanted from james that he never gave me that i needed to get from other people. i wanted love, acceptance, attention.. a lot that i don’t even want to remember anymore.

but despite all the fuck ups, i’m happy. somehow i just got used to knowing that in the end, i’d always end up being alone and most of the time it was by choice. “Leave before you’re left” i lived by this rule last year and i would still live up to it again. i am happy in general.

January:

http://aa-bebe-phat-aa.xanga.com/688539773/2009-is-going-to-be-great-not/
i’m tired of chasing after someone who doesn’t know what he wants and who doesn’t understand things yet.

eh, i remember all of this waay too clearly. January, i broke up with James. I know the story the day the shit like the back of my hand. It was the hardest thing i ever had to do in my whole life. but do i regret it? No, i never will in a million years.
this is also the month where i completely lost my mind like a crazy child. You know the process.. first you’re sad then mad then reckless. except i’ve always been reckless. so maybe i was just twice of what i already was? lol.

February:

i know this break up has brought many beautiful things for me. in the first place i’m not the one who took advantage of the love that was given and i am most certainly not the one who was left so i have no excuse to be sad. because he was no good and i shouldn’t waste tears of a guy who isn’t even worth it.

i don’t regret leaving you

http://aa-bebe-phat-aa.xanga.com/691883883/funnnn/
i think i’m beginning to like being single. i like the fact that i can do anything i want with having to ask permission all the time or being scared that i might disappoint the other person.

http://aa-bebe-phat-aa.xanga.com/691930543/missed-church/
btw, i gave james 2 choices either to be with me or not and i think he chose not so i’m not going to waste my time over a guy like him. sure i love him but you know, maybe i don’t need to be in a relationship to love somebody.

http://aa-bebe-phat-aa.xanga.com/692206517/opportunities/
i have the opportunity to be so much happier. and it’s right in front of me.
things will only get better…

March

http://aa-bebe-phat-aa.xanga.com/696802935/issa-is-a-sun-child-3/http://aa-bebe-phat-aa.xanga.com/695556629/i-dont-know-why-i-even-try/

http://aa-bebe-phat-aa.xanga.com/695628517/food-bowl/

http://aa-bebe-phat-aa.xanga.com/695142390/i-hate-this/
i’m so broken with or without him, it’s so hard.

http://aa-bebe-phat-aa.xanga.com/694787477/one-step-at-a-time/
maybe i’m not exactly where i have to be right now and it may take a while but i know i will get there eventually. πŸ™‚

http://aa-bebe-phat-aa.xanga.com/692206517/opportunities/
i have the opportunity to be so much happier. and it’s right in front of me.

http://aa-bebe-phat-aa.xanga.com/694704109/wheres-the-good-in-goodbye/

April:
BRB

UPDATE:
I’M NOT GOING TO FINISH THIS THIS YEAR. I AM LAZY

 

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12 thoughts on “For The Record”

  1. Wow, it took me a while to realise what all the – + = and *s were, but that may be cos I’m also drunk ^^;;. It seems a good idea to do this though is weird seeing how much you change right? I can’t read your conclusion it just forms a massive blur, read it later.

  2. Wow, this is really sweet…it’s a good idea doing this I think πŸ™‚ ? It’s really interesting seeing how much you’ve changed over the years, and I guess it’s weird looking back at previous years when you were in a relationship and seeing how much breaking up changes you and makes you much more cynical :/. Iuno though like…you talk a lot about “living life the only way you know how” but as Christians we really should strive to love more like Jesus did and look to him! Don’t forget him!!I hope you have a lovely new year though :). [who’d you kiss at midnight eh eh eh?! New boy in your life? ;);)!!]

  3. @whoosh90 – haha uhm.. i’ll tell you later :p it’s complicated now.yeah, i’m happy that i’ve kept up my tradition. it feels weird reading my answers though. tsk.hey matt, i’ve lost the feeds to our other conversations. let’s just start new ones:D haha!

  4. @whoosh90 – yeah, i’ve been ok! :] just school and stuff that’s why i don’t have that much time and i’ve been going out a lot recently since everyone who’s from outside of the country is back so yeah πŸ™‚ how’ve you been?

  5. @Aa_bEbE_pHaT_aA – Ohhh right ok πŸ™‚ glad you’re studying hard. I find myself stuck to xanga a lot of the time :(. Blargh! XD. I’ve just been meeting so many new interesting people ^w^! I’ve been good thanks, but I’ve been so lazy 😦 I really need to work. *is reminded* yeah I should go work after finishing replying to you ^^;

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