You Think You Know Me So Well

You think that because I like to drink, I’m wild.
You assume that because I smoke on cigarettes, I’m some punk ass.
You tell me that the reason I’m so tough is because I don’t care.
You think that you know me so well.. but you dont’ know me. It’s impossible for you to know who I am when I can’t even figure that out myself.

— Most of the time I pretend to be so tough and bitchy because I’m tired of crying.
— I don’t like talking about my emotions because I have so many of them and talking about them make me feel weak.
— Sometimes I force myself to be honest with myself to make you happy and when everything comes pouring out, I look at myself in the mirror and think, “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
— On most days I know you think that I don’t care but there is not a single second when you are not in my mind. You may not always be on the top of my mind but you are always floating around there somewhere.
— My greatest fear is that I would give up so much for this relationship and end up with nothing. I don’t want you to be my entire world because a part of me is always scared that you are going to leave me.
— I feel like a little girl lost at the mall right now. I don’t know what to do and I feel like if we are drifting apart, I am the one to blame.

It just feels like you don’t give me enough credit. I am trying SO HARD to make you happy but i don’t think that it’s working. You are like a magnifying glass that only sees my flaws. Sure, I’m not perfect and neither are you but why does it feel like you’re God and i’m just this pathetic sinner?

i am manic depressive. And my words aren’t coming out right.

PARVO and my puppy

I’m pretty sure that most dog owners are fully aware of what a PARVO virus is and for those not so aware, here is what i found on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canine_parvovirus it:

Canine parvovirus type 2 (CPV2, colloquioally parvo) is a contagious virus mainly affecting dogs. The disease is highly infectious and is spread from dog to dog by direct or indirect contact with their feces. It can be especially severe in puppies that are not protected by maternal antibodies or vaccination. It has two distinct presentations, a cardiac and intestinal form. The common signs of the intestinal form are severe vomiting and dysentery. The cardiac form causes respiratory or cardiovascular failure in young puppies. Treatment often involves veterinary hospitalization. Vaccines can prevent this infection, but mortality can reach 91% in untreated cases.

Well the reason why I’m writing about this is because I want to share this traumatic me and my family are currently experiencing due to tackless breeding…

For a few months, me and my siblings have been trying to convince our parents to get us a puppy because we are all at an age where we can all take care of a dog. It took us a few months and lots of whining, strikes and whatever you can think of to get the puppy. We all decided we wanted a small dog that could live with us inside the house and one that would not shed so much so we all decided to get a Shih Tzu since they are kind of easy to get here in the Philippines.

Luckily, my mom’s close friend’s Shih Tzu just had a litter and he was willing to sell us the puppy at a cheap price which included his papers. So we went to see the puppy last Sunday and instantly fell in love with him. We took him home that afternoon and named him Pepper.

when we got him, my moms friend told us that he needed to get his shot the next day so that’s what we did. But on the following day, we found out that he was 5 days late for his PARVO vaccine which was risky. And sure enough he got it.

So we had to leave him at the vet and my mom decided that she doesn’t want Pepper to come home anymore. She’s giving him back to her friend and this house is so lonely without him.

It has caused me and my siblings so much emotional damage because we loved Pepper so quickly and now he’s not home and it sucks. I blame the breeders of Pepper who just see breeding puppies as a business and don’t do their responsibilities.

I hope this helps you bloggers…

 

Yesterday i had the worst PMS ever which involved me throwing all of my clothes out of my cabinet like a crazed bitch. I was so frustrated that my mother always has new clothes and all my friends wear all those dressy blouses and nice stuff while I, who’ll be 20 years old, still go to the mall/ parties in shirts, shorts and sneakers. I thought it was unfair that mom never spends for me and my siblings but she ALWAYS looks nice. And when she doesn’t… she’ll find a way to look nice.

So i took a lot of my clothes out of my cabinet and sold them. I made about 1700 pesos today but split the money with my sister so she could buy herself clothes, too. I know like 800++ isn’t that much so i decided to go to a thrift store since it’s always interesting to buy clothes from there.

After selling all my clothes i decided to get some R&R and watch some tv and guess what i happened to stumble upon? This bizarre show called “Dallas Divas and Daughters”

Seriously, i’m from Dallas but i NEVER knew it was that trashy there. I mean, COME ON! there’s this  bitch crying because her mom wouldn’t buy her a Range Rover. Geez! I commute to school everyday and i would be lucky if my parents even bought me a car.

Some people just don’t know how lucky they are. Even me.

Sometimes i just wanna stab people, you know?