I went out yesterday because I felt like I had to find myself. I saw how mad and how scared I was and what scared me the most was the fact that just being with you made all those feelings go away. It scared me that I couldn’t fix myself without you and for a while, I felt like I was dependent on you. And it didn’t sit with me too well.
So I felt like I had to lose myself for a while in order to somehow, find myself in the process. It wasn’t a very long quest, I figured because I never really lost myself, I was only… sidetracked.
And then I can to the realization of how lucky I am to have you. I once told you that I’ve been waking up for the past 3 months feeling the luckiest I’ve ever been. You’re my best friend, my worst enemy and you make me melt, weak in the knees, butterflies in my stomach, free as a bird and all those nice things. I’ve really never felt this loved before. Sometimes when we’re together I say to myself that if I had to be with you for the rest of my life, I really wouldn’t mind. But I’d rather not think so much about that. :3
You are so good for me in more ways than you know it and I hope that you feel the same way. I hope that you are as happy as I am and that you’re not too tired of me yet. I hope you never get tired of me or feel that someone else has something more to give you than I ever can.
Sometimes I think that I was so stupid to get into this relationship because I put myself in a very vulnerable position to get hurt. But I figured that there is pleasure in pain or whatever it is that they say and if it hurts, then I hope we’ll endure the pain together. Try to fix it, make a way and all those good things.
I don’t know if I’m good at showing it but you really do mean a lot to me. You make me smile and as selfish as I am, I’m not so selfish with you- I would say. I don’t know. Harhar.
I love you. Whatever love is. Whether I know what it is or not, at least that’s what it feels like in my heart.
Good night. I will miss you 🙂