DAB [DENIAL] & [ACCEPTANCE]

DENIAL

I am no longer oblivious of the fact that it is not and it was never you.

ACCEPTANCE

And I have been ok with the thought that it will never be you.

It’s been a long time coming and I’ve finally had the time and the heart to write the end of this series. I am unapologetic, I am fearless and I am finally¬†free from the pain which comes with the thought of you.

I no longer look for you in familiar streets, I no longer miss the millions of memories I’ve shared with you in a million places I can never erase, I no longer miss you nor do I miss the thought of you… honestly, I don’t even remember you. Which is sad because I spent so much of my life with you. But it has truly come to that.

I am finally ok with knowing that I lost. I am ok knowing that we both failed but most of all, I am ok with the thought that it will never be me.

I am ok that we are strangers again and that we will never be friends.I am ok knowing that my world has to change completely while your life will always be the same.

I have finally accepted that it was as much as my fault as it was yours. I have accepted that if we were meant to be together then this never would have happened but it did but I know God has something greater for me so I am grateful that this happened. I am finally ok with the things that I cannot change- the years, the plans that never came through, the billions of feelings, the loss, the losing you… I am finally ok.

I thought this would be a lot harder to write, like how it was hard to get you out of the corner of my room were I carefully tucked you into. The books are hidden, the photos are gone and so is the pain I used to feel whenever I thought about you and with that, I am at peace and I hope you are, too. I am finally at peace with the thought of you.

Goodbye.