Domestic Disputes

I have become the official psychologist of my parental/s (not saying which one/ones)

And I realize that you can be 26- 36- 46- 60 and still go through the same problems. Hopefully, in my lifetime, only once. Just this once.

I learned that we all have the same needs: love, affection, honesty, acceptance, grace, contentment and assurance whether from ourselves or the people we choose to be with.

Yes, choosing to be with someone or by yourself is a choice. I believe that now. But it is a choice your heart and your mind make collectively. Your mind may say be with this person because he/ she is good for you when your heart says something else- and if those two things don’t match… you gotta do what you gotta do.

I also believe there is no shame in giving up sometimes because it is in giving up that you are preparing yourself for something better. We might not know what they are right now but one day, we will and it will make all the struggles make sense. We decide what is best for us, through God’s guidance, and if we have to let go of certain things for it to be so, then so be it.

Lastly, I believe that we should not surround ourselves around people who bring us down or who put us in a weird place. Or people who do not put your mind at ease and cannot see the good in you.

I thank God everyday for the chances He has given me and the opportunities to make my life right. For giving me multiple restarts instead of game overs.

I feel like I have left a weird place and my comfort zone was always in my solitude and not allowing myself to be absorbed and influenced by others. I feel like I am here again, I am peaceful.

That was a weird couple of months… a weird year, in fact. Screw it, it’s been a weird life but it has been well spent, to say the least.

To more weirdness!

No Rhythm, No Rhyme

I often wonder in my waking days

if people actually do have the strength to change

If there is hope to fix their ways

To make it through their darker days

 

I often wonder if there is hope for people like me

To stick to a thought

No matter the cost

 

 

Yes, there is.

There is always hope.

 

 

I came with questions

And you gave me answers

And you had your questions

And I gave you answers 
and now we want second chances
And my heart thought, “a million times, yes”

A List of Things I’ve Been hearing Lately

Things happened so fast…

Give yourself a break…

It’s been a hard year for you…

Grabeha oi!

You’re strong, you’ve always been strong. you’ll get through this.

Everyone knows you’re not like that. Why would he even think that?!

Ga lagot ko niya!!!

Mas ganahan jud ko ni ______, mayta mag balik pa mo.

Nganu ganahan man jud ka ug weird pets?

Sauna pagyud ka ana.

Boang gyud ka. Na dala paman ug joke joke. 
— oh wells.

The best thing I’ve ever done is choosing to be alone or rather to surround myself with people who no longer make me feel so small.

I don’t have to prove myself to people I care about and if they cared about me, I would never have to prove myself to them anyways.  I don’t have to worry about disappointing people because I am not disappointing myself. I’m moving at my own pace and I feel like I’m flying right now.

I’m working on a film, I’m on schedule, I’m setting meetings with clients, I’m playing with my hedgehog, packing for events and reading again. I am at peace because noone is waging a war with me and in return, I am not starting wars with myself.

I get sad sometimes, but sadness is a feeling that hovers around me like a rain cloud but I always sleep it off.

I’m listening to a song that used to make me cry but now it’s just background noise and that means a lot especially for the sentimental loser that I am.

I wake up contented now knowing that I’m living this life for noone but myself whether I am alone or not. I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone or falling short or having my mistakes dangled in my face and that is truly the best part about all of this. 

I am OK. I hope you are all the same.