A Year Later…

I am by nature a very sentimental person and therefore I find value in the smallest of things- like anniversaries of moving back home after 2 years, not getting accepted for a visa, you asking me to get back together after having breaking my heart, etc.

There is so much for me to celebrate and be grateful for this year basically, because I survived the last. I survived it and a year later, we’re moving into our 2nd place in the city, I am giving workshops (whether or not people see me fit for it), I am 1/4 ambassadors for this season’s sale (wow) and I just gave you a print out explaining why I was mad at you last night. I am so extra, I know.

A year ago, I remember sitting down, broken hearted on the kitchen table wondering if this was the best my life was going to get and as I look back, I realize how little I thought of myself back them. I thought that I was just going to move back and somehow, finally fit into the mold of what I what people expected me to be. I thought, well, I fucked up so much already- let’s not disappoint the masses- but I was so wrong. So pleasantly wrong.

And so to sum everything up (because call time is at 10 and it is now 9:15), I am extremely grateful to the universe for putting me where I had to be exactly when I had to be there. It is truly in the darkness where we find ourselves and all those other shit people say which is absolutely poetic and stupid at the same time.

It absolutely hurts to remember the hurt sometimes but I like to think that the hurt is good every once in a while especially when we forget to be grateful or loving or grateful. or grateful. I hate remembering these things but I have to but I try my best to do with a happy heart these days.

Happy moving back to Cebu anniversary, Issa. Remember all the things you were so scared of before? well, they’re not so scary anymore.

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in the grander scheme of things, you’d know that when I’m mad I like to walk around aimlessly- to anywhere, nowhere wondering myself where.

in the grander scheme of things, you’d find me and know what was wrong because you were the wrong and you’d know how to make it right.

in the grander scheme of things. I like that line. I thought about it while I was walking down dangerous roads wondering if you’d ever show up.

but instead you were laying flat faced on the bed waiting for me to come home. because I always fucking come home.